The Bizarre Life of Nightcloud and Scourge
by Empress Tansy
Summary: Win a Date with Nightcloud has come to an end, but that doesn't mean Nightcloud's any less crazy! Now she has a life with her villainous mate, Scourge, whom she forced to 'feel the love'. This spin-off will be a collection of one-shots detailing events of Nightcloud and Scourge's life together. What crazy things will happen when an insane she-cat marries a totally evil tom?
1. The Wedding

_**(A/N: This is not a traditional story with chapters, plots, antagonists fighting protagonists, a climax, etc. Instead, it's going to be a collection of short stories, each independent from the one that preceded it. Each story is a one-shot in it's own right, but rather than post each one-shot separately, I thought I'd post them as a collection. The title of the collection, of course, is The Bizarre Life of Nightcloud and Scourge because, well, they're both bizarre and their life together will be even more bizarre...)**_

The Wedding

"I can't believe Nightcloud is making us wear these awful poofy pink sparkly dresses," a frustrated ginger she-cat growled, tugging at the zipper.

A tabby-and-white she-cat nodded her agreement, shaking in her dress. "I know," she sighed, "but we're the bridesmaids. We have to wear ugly dresses whether we want to or not."

A younger black she-cat studied herself in the mirror, turning around in her pink dress. "I don't know what you two are complaining about. These dresses are beautiful. Mom has great taste."

"Don't call her 'mom'!" the tabby cried, swatting the black cat. "I'm your mom!"

Hollyleaf rolled her eyes. "Fine. My _step-_mom has great taste."

Leafpool nodded, satisfaction glowing in her amber eyes. "Good. As long as you remember who your real mother is."

The ginger she-cat, who was still struggling with her zipper, glared at her friends. "Will one of you two help me?" Sighing to herself, she added, "I must have added a few pounds after I finished Star and Mallow's birthday cake..."

"Oh Tansy," Hollyleaf laughed, tugging at the she-cat's zipper. "Only you could eat an entire birthday cake in one sitting."

"Don't do that with Nightcloud's wedding cake," Leafpool added. "She'd never forgive you."

A black head poked into the room. "Are you three ready? Star and Mallow are already in their flower girl dresses. And Brokenstar's getting antsy in his tux. He hates officiating weddings, you know."

Sighing, Tansy stared at herself in the mirror. "I think I need to hit the gym before flying to Europe next week..."

The three she-cats followed Nightcloud out of the dressing room. The bride was wearing a ruffled green dress and a green veil. Tansy stifled a laugh remembering Scourge's shocked expression when the black she-cat had shown him the dress she was going to wear for their wedding.

"Now, you three will wait by the big doors until you hear Jayfeather start playing the piano. Then you walk down the aisle. The grooms will follow you- Bone, Barley, and Boulder are already waiting. Then Star and Mallow will throw their rose petals everywhere. After that Quince will lead Scourge down the aisle, and finally Crowfeather will lead me down the aisle," Nightcloud was meowing, not realizing the bridesmaids weren't paying attention.

"Wait..." Leafpool mewed, "tell me again why my mate- your _ex_\- is leading you down the aisle."

"Because my dad's in Argentina," the bride sighed. "Mom says he's hiding because I scare him with my weirdness or something. So I told Crowfeather that he's walking me down the aisle or I'm cat-napping your grandkits."

"Is Jayfeather playing the piano yet?" Tansy asked. "I just want this wedding to be over! I swear, when I get married, Ashfur and I are eloping. There will be none of this fancy stuff and uncomfortable dresses."

Hollyleaf snorted. "You're such a grump, Tansy."

"Sh!" Leafpool hissed, straining her ears. "Jaykins just sat down on the piano bench."

Soon the blind tom began playing the old brown, slightly out-of-tune piano. Leafpool, Hollyleaf, and Tansy lined up next to each other as they began strolling down the aisle of Brokenstar's House of Villains- the only place that would allow a wedding between a slightly insane she-cat and an evil tom.

The three she-cats made their way slowly to a low stage, tripping over their dresses the whole way. Once they were standing up on the platform next to a very grumpy-looking Brokenstar, the groomsmen began padding down the aisle.

"I hate weddings," Bone grumbled.

"I hate tuxedos," Barley growled.

"I look so handsome," Boulder meowed. "Maybe I'll find some pretty she-cat to take out to dinner tonight."

Shrill squeals of joy erupted from the back of the room as the flower girls began bouncing down the aisle. Star and Mallow tossed red and yellow rose petals everywhere, earning them a furious hiss from Mapleshade. "I hate weddings. And flowers. And happiness," the tortie hissed.

Brokenstar's expression softened as the two kits took their place beside him.

"Aren't we adorable?" Mallow squeaked.

"The most adorable," the ragged tabby confirmed.

A low hiss sounded from the back of the room as Scourge and Quince appeared at the doorway.

"I don't want to walk you down the aisle!" Quince spat.

"It's my wedding and you're my mother!" Scourge snarled. "Can't you do something nice for me, just this once?"

Quince rolled her eyes and marched quickly down the aisle, not waiting for her son.

At last Crowfeather and Nightcloud appeared in the doorway and the two paraded down the aisle. Crowfeather looked as grumpy as ever. Nightcloud looked as if she were about to burst with excitement.

"Good, everyone's here," Brokenstar sighed once the two reached the stage. "Let's get this over with."

"Yes," Quince growled. "I'm visiting Socks tonight. I need to be out of here in five minutes."

The tom glared at the groom's mother. "Whatever. Anyway, do you, Scourge, take Nightcloud to be your lawfully wedded mate? To love her and to hate her and to force her kits to become fighters at the age of one moon and to kill her when she tries to love your kits and to take over the forest and to kill Tigerstar and to attempt to kill Firestar and pretty much everyone else and make your family's life miserable as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Scourge meowed, wishing Brokenstar had said the traditional cat marriage vows instead of improvising.

The security guard then turned to the she-cat. "Do you, Nightcloud, take Scourge to be your lawfully wedded mate? To love him and to hate him and to be a nagging housewife and to do all the housework and to act as completely insane as possible and to spend every weekend at Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane and to have one million kits that all turn out evil and to make your mate's life as miserable as possible for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Nightcloud breathed, looking quite pleased with Brokenstar's speech.

"Then by the power invested in me by turnevilcatsintoweddingworkers dot gov, I now pronounce you villain and insane mate. You may now hug the bride," Brokenstar meowed.

Before Scourge could do anything, Nightcloud grabbed him and pulled the tom into a massive bear hug.

"Can't. Breathe," the black tom cried, struggling to get out of her grasp.

"I'm married!" the she-cat squealed.

"I hate this dress!" Tansy hissed.

Brokenstar jerked his head toward the unhappy bridesmaid. "How dare you hate Nightcloud's gorgeous choice of dress! You shall die!"

He grabbed a bouquet of red roses from a vase and raised his paw to whack Tansy with the flowers. The ginger she-cat gasped and tried to run off of the stage, but tripped and fell off of the stage. The ragged tom leaped off and whacked her with the thorny roses. "Die! Die! Die!"

Mapleshade, Bone, and Scourge, all interested in a beat-down, grabbed roses and started whacking cats as well. Nightcloud watched joyfully as Scourge whacked Quince with a bouquet.

"Aren't weddings wonderful?" she meowed.


	2. The Honeymoon, Part 1

The Honeymoon, Part 1

"Scurgy-wurgy, I just can't believe you took me to Venice for our honeymoon!" Nightcloud gushed, pushing through the glass doors of the airport. The black she-cat was wearing a pink 'I Luv Italy' t-shirt, pink sunglasses, and had a pink camera hanging around her neck. "You are just soooo sweet! This is going to be the best honeymoon in the history of honeymoons!"

Scourge rolled his eyes. "You know I'd do anything for you, honey." Looking away from his new bride, he muttered, "I have to do better than Ashfur. He's taking Tansy backpacking through Europe and they aren't even married yet! He'll probably give _her _the best honeymoon in the history of honeymoons."

"What was that, Sweetheart?" Nightcloud mewed, snapping a picture of a historic building with Gothic architecture.

"Nothing, dear. I was just hoping you'll like the five-star hotel I booked for us," the small tom replied.

The she-cat's green eyes widened. "We're staying at a five-star hotel? Oh, Scurgy!" She grabbed him and squeezed him tightly in a massive hug. "You are the best mate EVER!"

"Nighty, darling, I can't breathe!" Scourge mewed, pulling away from the WindClan cat's grasp. "Let's take a taxi to our hotel and get settled in. Then we can decide what we want for dinner."

Nightcloud nodded. "Oh, I just know this is going to be the best vacation I've ever been on!"

* * *

"Scurgykins, this hotel is beee-utiful! Oh, just look at the fancy satin red bedspread! Look at the golden table and matching chairs! Look at this view! We can see the whole city from here!"

Scourge sighed. "Yep, this sure is a nice hotel. Staying here totally drained my bank account, but I had to take you somewhere nice."

Nightcloud nodded. "If you had booked us a room at Motel 6, I'd had divorced you on the spot! That's totally _not _romantic!"

"Whatever. So what do you want to do tonight?"

The she-cat looked out the window, down at the waterways beneath the hotel. "I want a fancy Italian dinner and a romantic ride on a gondola!"

"Gondola?" Scourge swallowed nervously. "One of those little boats?"

"Yes! It will be sooooo romantic!" Nightcloud mewed. "Please? Pretty please with dog teeth on top?"

The groom swallowed. "Well…if you put it that way, I guess it'll be alright." _I guess she'll have to learn I get seasick sooner or later._

* * *

"Wasn't that spaghetti just to die for?" Nightcloud meowed, staring up at the starlit sky. "The noodles were so tender and buttery and the sauce was so flavorful! Mmmmm….I wish I could eat there every night!"

"Well, we can't," Scourge growled, nervously eyeing the rippling water beneath the small boat. "I can't afford to buy you dinners that cost one hundred mice every night. We'd have to live in a cardboard box. Being evil doesn't exactly pay well."

Nightcloud narrowed her green eyes. "You have to ask Brokenstar for a promotion. You've worked at Brokenstar's House of Villains for three years! It's about time he promotes you from bully busboy to horrible henchman. You'd earn twenty thousand mice more every year if you get the promotion."

The villain rolled his eyes. "Can we not talk about this now? It's our honeymoon, for StarClan's sake! We can talk about work when we get back home."

"Fine," Nightcloud growled. "If you want to let Brokenstar walk all over you for the rest of your life, that's your problem, but you've got a wife to support now. I expect a high standard of living. I am not going to get a job just because you're too scared to stand up to your boss!"

Scourge, forgetting about his seasickness, whipped his head toward his new bride. "Who do you think you are? A princess?" he spat. "I work hard at Brokenstar's House of Villains! If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't have been able to visit Europe for our honeymoon! I had to work overtime for eight moons to pay for this trip! If you expect to spend the rest of your days lounging around my den and spending my money, forget about it!"

"I'll do whatever I want!" the black she-cat howled, unsheathing her claws. "You can't force me to work! I am your wife so your money is my money! I can spend it all on nail polish and tutus if I want and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

Just then a jet-ski sped past the tiny gondola, rocking it violently. Scourge grabbed the edge of the boat and dug his claws into the wooden surface, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking with fright.

"What a baby!" Nightcloud laughed coldly. "It's just a little wavy. The gondola won't tip over. Wimp."

The black tom slowly eased his grip on the boat, opening his eyes a sliver. His stomach sloshed uncomfortably inside him, the spaghetti not agreeing with the rocking gondola. Quickly, the tom leaned over the edge, staring at the water and hoping he wouldn't lose his dinner.

"I married a kit!" the she-cat cried. "He won't share his money, he gets seasick, and he complains about his job…what's a she-cat to do?"

The boat driver, a brown tabby tom with a black handlebar mustache stared down at the unhappy couple. "Do not-a fret, little lady," he meowed with a thick Italian accent. "Your tom just doesn't know how to treat a lovely she-cat like you. Love takes time."

"But he won't share his money!"

The tabby stopped rowing and sat down next to Nightcloud. "Young tom, you cannot expect a lovely lady to work for the rest of her life. You must take care of your mate."

Scourge narrowed his eyes. "You're taking her side?! She acts like she's the queen of WindClan!"

"All she-cats think they're a queen," the Italian cat mewed calmly. "It's your job to treat them like one. Ask for that promotion. How terrifying can your boss be?"

"Well…he's killed kits," Scourge meowed weakly.

Nightcloud threw her paws in the air with an exasperated sigh. "And you've killed thousands of cats in the twoleg place! You're both evil! Just ask for a promotion already!"

The tom heaved a heavy sigh. "Alright. You're right, like always. I deserve a raise, and you shouldn't have to work because I'm a scaredy-cat. I'm sorry for fighting with you on our honeymoon. Will you forgive me?"

The she-cat's eyes brightened. "Of course I will, Scurgy-wurgy! I love you sooooo much!" She stepped forward and wrapped her paws around the tom in a massive, smothering hug. Her movement, however, caused the gondola and rock back and forth.

"Darling," Scourge mewed weakly, feeling a familiar pain in his stomach, "I love you too, but promise me one thing."

"I'll promise you anything!" Nightcloud gushed. "I love you so much, my evil little love-muffin!"

"Never make me ride on a gondola again!"


	3. The Honeymoon, Part 2

**_(A/N: Since I'm going to try to update this regularly, if you have any ideas about what Nightcloud and Scourge should do after their honeymoon, let me know!)_**

The Honeymoon, Part 2

Nightcloud twirled around a luggage station joyfully, looking for a bright pink- and- purple polka dot suitcase. "Scurgy, do you see my bag?"

The tiny black tom, looking slightly embarrassed by his dancing bride, shook his head slowly. "No, dear. I only see normal looking suitcases."

"But mine is sooo much better than everybody else's!"

Scourge sighed and pulled a black and blood-red colored suitcase with a skull and cross-bones keychain off the conveyor belt. "I think mine is pretty great."

Nightcloud shook her head in horror. "No! Your suitcase is dark and evil! You need a new one. How about we buy you a nice pretty green one? Or a yellow one?"

"No nice pretty colors!" the tom cried, turning to face the sliding glass doors of the airport.

The black she-cat hurried after him. "Scurgy, take my bag! A gentleman never makes his lady carry her own suitcase!"

Not wanting to argue, Scourge sighed and grabbed the handle of the ugly tote. Nightcloud's case weighed more than twice as much as his own, and the tiny tom struggled to haul both outside to the taxi stand. Dropping both suitcases on the sidewalk, he plopped down on a bench and gasped for air. "Nighty…get my…inhaler!"

The she-cat unzipped a pocket on the top of Scourge's bad-boy suitcase and pulled out a blue inhaler. "Honestly!" she mewed. "I can't see how someone as evil and conniving as you can get winded just carrying suitcases!"

"Have you weighed yours?" Scourge gasped, puffing on his inhaler. "Mine only weighs 10 pounds."

"Mine isn't _that_ much heavier," Nightcloud replied. "It's only thirty pounds!"

The tom's amber eyes widened. "That's more three times my own weight! Seriously, what do you have in there?"

The black she-cat shrugged. "You know, just vacation necessities: twenty-six tutus, six bottles of shampoo, seven bottles of conditioner, twelve bottles of flower-scented body wash, ten cameras, five fur brushes, eighty-five fur ribbons, a model of the leaning tower of Pisa, a gondola, my pet hermit crabs…"

"You brought your hermit crabs on our honeymoon?" Scourge gasped. "I thought Leafpool was pet-sitting!"

"Well, she's not," Nightcloud meowed. "Now can we please go somewhere? We're in _Paris_\- the city of love! I want to see the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumphe…"

Scourge stuffed his inhaler back into his suitcase. "Fine, but first we're going to find some food. I'm starving!"

The she-cat nodded excitedly. "Oh, I know just where I want to eat- Le Chateau de Poisson!"

"The Castle of…_Poison_?" Scourge asked, narrowing his eyes with worry.

"Do you know _any _French?" Nightcloud asked. "Poisson means fish! Seriously, you have to know the language when you visit a country!"

"You don't know Italian!" Scourge reminded her.

The she-cat rolled her eyes, turning to wave at a taxi driver. "Whatever. We're going to eat where I want."

* * *

Scourge stared uncomfortably at the crisp white table cloth, wondering which of the three forks, six knives, and eight spoons he was supposed to use. "Um, Darling, are you sure this is the restaurant you meant?"

Nightcloud nodded, admiring the golden candlestick holder set on the center of the circular table. "Oh yes, this is the best restaurant for cats in all of Paris!"

Studying the dimly lit dining room, the tom wondered if this place was even in his budget. Even the waiters looked fancy- wearing black suits with bowties and red flowers adorning the front jacket pocket. _There goes my back account,_ Scourge thought miserably.

A sophisticated looking waiter padded up to the table. "Would it please you to see a menu, madame et monsieur?"

"Huh?" Scourge mewed, not quite understanding.

"Yes, thank you," Nightcloud meowed politely, taking the menus from the waiter. She glanced down at the list of food. "Oh my, everything looks wonderful! I'll have the shrimp and the steak and the lobster and the chicken!"

Her mate studied the menu, which was written entirely in French. "Um…I'll have this," he meowed, pointing at something in French.

The waiter, scribbling Nightcloud's lengthy order, glanced down at Scourge's paw. "You want 'seafood prices subject to change without notice'?"

Scourge swallowed, feeling embarrassed. "Oh…no. Uh, what do you recommend?"

"I can bring you the chef's best dish, if you'd please," the waiter responded.

"That would be fine," the tom meowed, trying- but failing- to find it on the menu.

"Excellent choice, monsieur!" the waiter exclaimed. "I'll have your meals out shortly."

Nightcloud glanced at her mate. "You should have studied your French before coming."

Scourge shrugged. "You ordered in English."

"But I could read the menu! I knew what I was ordering!" the she-cat snapped.

The waiter padded back to the table, pushing a cart loaded with the couple's entrees. "La crevettes, le steak, le homard, et la poulet pour la dame et la speciale du chef pour el monsieur."

"Merci, monsieur," Nightcloud meowed, staring down at her four dinners.

Scourge stared down at his, not sure what he was looking at. "Um, waiter, what is this?"

The waiter sighed with obvious exasperation. "La speciale du chef is grilled octopus, baked lamb brain, and fried cow tongue served with grilled grapefruit and quail eggs."

The tiny black tom wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Oh, that sounds awful! Just bring me some macaroni and cheese!"

"Insolent uncultured mousebrain," the waiter mumbled, turning away from the table.

Nightcloud glared at her mate. "Now look what you've done! You offended him! Now he'll probably bring you dog food."

"That would be better than this garbage," Scourge growled, shoving his plate away.

* * *

"Voulez-vous quelque chose pour le dessert?" the waiter asked, clearing away Nightcloud's empty plates.

The she-cat nodded enthusiastically. "I'll have la glace chocolat et el pain chocolat."

"Et vous?" he meowed, glaring at Scourge.

The tiny tom nodded. "You got any ice cream?"

Nightcloud heaved a loud sighed. "That's what I ordered! Gosh, you're so embarrassing!"

Scourge felt his eyes water. "I'll…um, just have what she's having."

The waiter nodded and padded toward the desert cart. He gave Nightcloud an elegant glass dish filled with creamy chocolate ice cream and a light, fluffy croissant oozing with melted chocolate. Glaring at Scourge, the waiter slammed down a bare, plastic plate with an oreo on it. "You do not understand our language, so you get no French desserts!" he hissed. "Oh, and here's your bill!"

Taking the thin piece of paper from the waiter, Scourge's eyes widened with horror. "Crevettes are $40, the steak was $25, the homard- whatever that is- was $60 dollars, and the poulet was $25! The special dinner thingy was…$170! That's insane! I'm not paying that!"

The waiter scowled at the tom. "It's only $50 for cats who don't anger me. You're just lucky to have such a nice she-cat with you. Because she understands French I didn't add the dessert to your bill."

"How much would that have been?" Scourge asked.

"Only $10," the waiter meowed. "Your total comes to $330. It could have been only $210, but you're annoying."

"That's not fair!" the tom cried. "I demand to have my bill reduced!"

Nightcloud glared at her mate. "Just pay it already! Haven't you embarrassed me enough?"

"No! I refuse!" Scourge spat.

The waiter sighed. "Fine. I'll tell the chef- and the police- that you'll be doing dishes for the next seven days."

Scourge's eyes widened. "What? This is my honeymoon! I can't spend it doing dishes!"

"You should have thought about that before refusing to eat the chef's special!" the waiter hissed. He motioned his tail toward to police cats standing at the doorway. "These lovely gentlemen will take you back to the kitchen and show you what to do."

The police cats roughly grabbed Scourge and yanked him from his chair. Without a word, they hauled him back toward the kitchen while he screeched in fury.

"Now what am I supposed to do for the next week?" Nightcloud sighed.

The waiter smiled. "Your mate dropped his credit card. I'd recommend staying Hotel de Chat Royale, the most expensive hotel in all of France. Don't forget to take the $400 trip and tour to the Palace of Versailles. Your mate will surely be sorry he missed it."

"I'm going to make him miss his money more…" the she-cat mewed, giving the credit card a sinister smile. "How do I get to the Champs- Elysees? I think a major shopping spree is in order."


	4. The Gym

_**(A/N: Here's the next installment of the Bizarre Life of Nightcloud and Scourge. I'm sure you were all waiting eagerly for it. :) Anyway, if you have any ideas on what strange things my even stranger couple could do, let me know! I have some ideas, but I'd love to hear what you think! Oh, and YES, I will probably let them have kits at some point, but not immediately. Maybe around Story #10 or something. I'm not going to name the kits Nightkit and Scourgekit because I want their names to be as strange as their parents, and their parents technically have normal names. If you have any ideas for names, feel free to let me know. Or how big the litter should be or how many of each gender they have. That works too. I do want them to have AT LEAST one she-cat...)**_

The Gym

Scourge stepped timidly on the white plastic bathroom scale. Glancing nervously down at the number that appeared in blood-red coloring on a small screen, the tiny tom shuddered. "Seriously, nine pounds?!"

A black she-cat, sitting at a pale pink vanity smiling at herself in the mirror, turned to glance at the frustrated tom. "Scurgy, you _are _looking rather pudgy around the edges."

"You're one to talk!" Scourge growled. "What are you up to now- twelve pounds? Thirteen? You aren't exactly thin!"

The she-cat glared at him. "_Never _talk about a she-cat's weight. We are beautiful no matter what we weigh. Toms, on the other paw, should never ever be over-weight. You need to lose some weight."

The tom rolled his eyes. "So she-cats can be over-weight, but toms can't? That doesn't seem fair."

"Whatever," Nightcloud meowed, pulling some green eyeliner out of the vanity drawer. "You should join a gym. Some exercise would peel that extra weight right off."

"A gym?!" Scourge hissed. "I would never join a gym! They're full of goody-goody Clan toms who are only there to impress the ladies. I don't want to have to listen to Hawkfrost talk about how all the she-cats love him to pieces."

"You're such a baby," his mate mewed.

The tom shook his head stubbornly. "I am not! And I have exercise induced asthma!"

Nightcloud sighed. "Stop making excuses. I already signed us up for Couple's Exercise Hour at Runningbrook and Sedgewhisker's Exercise Palace."

"You did WHAT?" Scourge cried. "Couple's Exercise Hour? That sounds horrible! And that place is run by she-cats!"

"Do you have a problem with she-cats?" Nightcloud asked, raising her eyes threateningly. "Runningbrook and Sedgewhisker are my friends. They gave me a discount."

Scourge shook his head, glaring at his mate. "I'm not going. That's final."

"You're going. Our first session is tomorrow at seven."

"In the morning?"

Nightcloud nodded, smiling evilly.

* * *

"Wow, this place looks great!" Nightcloud exclaimed, pushing through the doors of Runningbrook and Sedgewhisker's Exercise Palace. The black she-cat hurried to the front desk where two slim tabby she-cats were sitting. "Runningbrook! Sedgewhisker! It's good to see you!"

Scourge tiredly followed his mate to the desk, blinking sleep from his eyes. "How do you have so much energy?" he mumbled, glaring at Nightcloud. "I need a coffee- extra caffeine, extra sugar."

"Oh, no sugar for you!" Nightcloud scolded. She turned back to the tabbies. "Somebody's still a little grumpy about this."

"I can tell," the older tabby meowed. "Scourge, put a smile on your face and greet the day with a happy attitude!"

"Runningbrook, Scourge is never happy," Sedgewhisker joked, swatting the black tom with a flowery pen. "He just doesn't see the joy in life."

Nightcloud nodded. "That's why I married him. I'm going to make him see all the good and wonderful things in the world. Now where's the couple's exercise room?"

Runningbrook handed a map to the black she-cat. "Follow this hall down in the corner and turn left. The couple's room is the first room on the right. You're in a class with three other couples, and Whitetail is leading the class this morning."

"Thank you," Nightcloud meowed, turning to head down the hall. Turning back to Scourge, she jerked her head in the direction of the class. "Come on!"

Sighing miserably, the tom padded after his mate. "Do I have to?" he asked, hoping Nightcloud would change her mind.

"Yes," she answered, turning to the left.

"Oh, Nightcloud, Scourge, you made it!" a white she-cat meowed happily as the two entered the hallway.

"Whitetail!" Nightcloud meowed happily. "I'm so glad to hear you're teaching our class!"

The she-cat nodded. "It's going to be fun! Why don't you two go into the room and get settled. We'll start in about five minutes."

Nightcloud turned to the right and lead the way into the classroom, Scourge still following miserably. Six other cats were already in the room, doing some pre-class stretches.

"Come on Rowanstar, stretch out those hind legs!" Tawnypelt was meowing.

"Bramblestar- move, you lazy lump!" Squirrelflight was scolding.

"Lionblaze, put that Mountain Dew down this instant!" Cinderheart was ordering.

"This will be soooooo much fun," Scourge muttered sarcastically.

Nightcloud glared at her mate. "Fix your attitude, mister! This will be awesome!"

Tawnypelt spied the new couple and smiled brightly. "Nightcloud, how nice of you to join us!"

Rowanstar, Bramblestar, and Lionblaze all gave Scourge sympathetic glances. "Your mate dragged you into this, too?" the ShadowClan leader asked.

Scourge nodded. "Apparently I need to lose a pound or two, but she doesn't. I think she just came to laugh."

Bramblestar sighed. "I think that's what Squirrelflight wanted. She keeps telling me I'm more fat than anything else!"

"We toms have to stick together!" Lionblaze announced. Lowering his voice, he added, "And I have a cooler of Mountain Dew in my car if we need it after this torture!"

"I heard that!" Cinderheart called to her mate.

Whitetail entered the room, securing a hot pink head-band around her ears. "Okay, couples, are you ready for some exercise?"

"Yes!" chorused the she-cats.

"No!" chorused the toms.

The white she-cat laughed. "I expected as much. In the last session, I had to practically tie Graystripe to the treadmill! Why is it the toms always grumble so much here?"

"Because they're fat lazy lumps!" Cinderheart meowed.

"Maybe," Whitetail nodded. "Anyway, let's start with an easy brisk walk on our treadmills! The pink treadmills are for the ladies, the blue ones for the toms."

The four she-cats immediately got on a treadmill and began messing with the settings. Scourge watched the other toms slowly make their way to the blue treadmill that sat next to their mate's. The tiny tom followed suit, and after casting a furious glare at an excited Nightcloud, he pressed the button that said "leisure" before starting up the treadmill.

While five of the six cats began their brisk walk, Whitetail moved around the group, checking their treadmills. "Tawnypelt, you're doing great! Keep it up, Cinderheart! Good for- Scourge, what are you doing?"

"Walking," the tom meowed weakly.

"I said we were doing a _brisk _walk, not a leisurely stroll," the she-cat scolded. "Turn your speed up!"

Scourge shook his head. "I'm quite happy with this speed, thank you."

Whitetail sighed and reached for the settings button, but lost her footing and accidently pressed the "extreme" button.

The belt on Scourge's treadmill began moving faster and faster until his paws were barely skimming it. His paws began tripping over each other as the tom tried to keep up with the machine, but his heart was pounding and he suddenly couldn't breathe at all. Letting go of the handle to stop the treadmill, his other paw lost its grip and he tripped, his legs buckling beneath him. His face hit the metal handle before hitting the rough belt, which shoved him backwards and off of the machine entirely. His body, being fairly small, was shot off the machine so quickly that he crashed into the back wall, hitting his head, his side, and his bottom all at once.

Collapsing on the ground, the tom laid almost completely still. He was sore all over and couldn't feel one of his back paws. Still heaving for breath, his vision blurred and he couldn't make out his gym bag- not that he could have gotten to his inhaler if he had wanted to.

"Someone, call an ambulance!" a she-cat's voice cried.

"Where's his inhaler?" a tom's voice shouted.

"Is he okay?"

"Is anything broken?"

Scourge couldn't tell who was speaking- he was too dizzy, out of breathe, and sore to move. Closing his eyes, he was vaguely aware of being lift onto a gurney and pushed out of the room. As he was wheeled toward an ambulance, he heard a she-cat ask loudly, "If he dies, how soon can I collect his life insurance?"


	5. The Meeting

The Meeting

Scourge stood in front of a large mirror, reapplying bandages to his front right paw and left ear. Still sore from his treadmill accident, the tom winced as he strained his paws wrapping the bandage around his thin ear.

"Scurgy, I don't see why you can't be home on time tonight," Nightcloud whined, organizing her tutu collection. "I was going to invite Whitetail and Onestar over for dinner."

The tom sighed. "I told you! Now that I've been promoted to horrible henchman at Brokenstar's House of Evil, I'm required to attend weekly meetings. I'll be home around eight o'clock."

The black she-cat rolled her eyes. "But I wanted company! We never invite anyone over. Can't you skip the meeting?"

"No, I can't," Scourge informed her. "It's one of Brokenstar's rules. We can never ever skip a meeting or there are…consequences."

"What kind of consequences?"

The tom thought for a moment. "I don't know. No one has ever survived them."

Nightcloud pulled a purple tutu out of her closet and pulled it on. "My high school tutu still fits! Who would have thought…"

"Dear, are you even listening?" Scourge asked.

"Yes," the she-cat meowed. "And I don't believe you. Brokenstar's reformed, remember? He doesn't do anything evil anymore."

The tom snorted. "Except run a club for villains and plan for total world domination," he mewed sarcastically.

Nightcloud glared at Scourge. "You have no faith in Brokenstar. He's a good cat now. Haven't you seen how he is with Tansy's kits?" Her green eyes glazed over. "Kits…"

"We are not having kits!" the tom hissed. "I have bigger problems to deal with than a bunch of little munchkins running around!"

The she-cat snapped out of her daydream. "Whatever. And stop saying Brokenstar is evil! He is good now!"

Scourge sighed, giving up. "Fine. You don't believe me? Come to the meeting. Then you'll see how Brokenstar really is."

"Fine," Nightcloud growled. "I'll be there. And _I'll _show _you_ that Brokenstar is a good cat!"

"Fine!" Scourge snapped. "I'm leaving. Be at the club at six!"

* * *

Nightcloud stood outside a large warehouse building, staring at it with a confused expression on her face. She was at the address Scourge had given her, but there was no sign outside that read "Brokenstar's House of Villains." Checking the address on her phone's GPS, it confirmed that this was where she was supposed to be.

Pushing the heavy, bullet-proof door open, Nightcloud stepped into the dark warehouse interior. There were no lights on, and the room was completely empty. Even more confused, the she-cat padded further into the room, looking around for any sign of life.

Suddenly, a dark tabby tom appeared in a doorway. "You!" he called, spying the she-cat. "You there! What are you doing here?"

Recognizing Tigerstar, Nightcloud sighed with relief. "I _am_ at Brokenstar's House of Villains!"

Tigerstar glared at her suspiciously. "How do you know about that?"

"I'm married to Scourge," she replied. "He told me to come to the henchmen meeting tonight. Now where is it?"

The tabby hesitated. "Um…alright then. Follow me."

Tigerstar led Nightcloud down to the basement, where the she-cat could hear loud voices talking and shouting. The basement flooded with light, and a group of toms were sitting at a large circular brown table drinking Pepsi and eating pizza.

"Nighty, you came!" the smallest tom exclaimed. "I wasn't sure you would."

Brokenstar, who was sitting next to Scourge, turned to face the black she-cat. "Nightcloud! How good of you to join us! Come and sit down. Grab a Pepsi!"

"You're okay with her being here?" Tigerstar hissed, lashing his tail.

"Of course!" Brokenstar meowed. "Nightcloud's always welcome. Now let's get back to business."

Nightcloud sat down in a chair between Scourge and Darkstripe, who reeked of crowfood. Scourge cast her a surprised look. "Why'd you come?"

"To show you that Brokenstar isn't evil!"

Hawkfrost interrupted the couple. "So Brokenstar, what's the plan? What are we destroying next?"

Brokenstar nodded seriously. "Last month was a great month of evil. Darkstripe did a great job popping Fernkit's balloon. Snowtuft and Mapleshade did a wonderful job of making stink bombs and putting them in Bramblestar's and Mistystar's dens. The winner of last month's most evil deed was…Shredtail for telling Poppyfrost that Berrynose never loved her and he wishes he could die and be with Honeyfern! Excellent work, Shredtail!"

"Thank you," the tom meowed smugly. "It was no trouble at all."

"Now let's move on to this month," Brokenstar continued. "What are your plans for small acts of evil? Scourge, you can go first."

"Well," the tom began, "I am planning to cut off the air conditioner circuit at Icecloud's ice cream shop so all of her ice cream melts and she goes out of business. "

The toms nodded in approval. "That sounds perfect, Scourge," Brokenstar meowed. "Remember, villains, our goal to ruin someone's life. If we can ruin more than one, that's even better. Scourge's plan not only ruins Icecloud's business, but the days of every cat who wants ice cream. That's thinking outside the box!"

Tigerstar put his voice in. "What about our plans for total world domination?"

Shredtail nodded. "Yeah. When is that going to happen?"

"I was going to bring that up," Brokenstar meowed. "The last few months we've been doing minor damage to Firestar's Police Force of Morality. Now we need to do something bigger that will really get their attention. Any ideas?"

"We smash their computers!"

"We tell Hollyleaf that the Warrior Code is made up!"

"We break Cinderpelt's other leg!"

The leader narrowed his eyes, pondering his group's suggestions. "These aren't big enough. We need to do something really evil!"

Scourge nodded. "How about we get a bunch of canons from that canon store downtown and blast the police building until there's nothing left!"

Brokenstar's eyes lit up. "Now THAT is a big idea. I like that!"

Nightcloud's eyes widened. "Scurgy, that's evil! You can't destroy Firestar's Police Force of Morality!"

"Shut it, Nightcloud," Tigerstar hissed.

"Yeah. This is no place for good cats," Snowtuft spat.

"No!" the she-cat cried. "You shouldn't do something that evil! You have to be good and moral cats."

Scourge leaned next to his mate. "Don't embarrass me!" he whispered.

"And don't turn into Firestar!" Mapleshade snarled.

"But you guys are all so evil!"

Brokenstar stood up from his chair. "Yes, well, I think it's time for you to be going, Nightcloud."

"Brokenstar, you lied to me!" the she-cat cried. "You said you were reformed!"

"I am…sort of," he replied. "Now how about you just go home and drink some nice chamomile tea. And don't even think about calling Firestar. You wouldn't want your loving mate to go to prison, now would you?"

Nightcloud shook her head. "No, but…"

"That's a good she-cat," Brokenstar mewed. "I'll see you later. Good bye now!"

The she-cat, stood up from the table. "Well, I'll just go home then. You all have fun with your evil plans, I guess. Love you, Scourge!"

"Yeah, whatever," the tom replied dismissively.

"Have fun with your evil plans! I hope you don't get arrested. I'm pregnant! Want some chicken? I'll go bake a cake," Nightcloud mewed quickly as she scurried up the stairs.

"Whatev-" Scourge froze, his eyes widening. "Wait, did she just she's…_pregnant_?"


	6. The Dinner Party

_**(A/N: Silly readers, you think I'm going to let the kits have normal names? Nope. If you come up with a name, ask yourself 'Is it canon'? and if the answer is yes, it won't be a name for these kits. No names like Firekit, Spottedkit, Brackenkit, etc. They must be strange names.)**_

The Dinner Party

"Scurgy, bring me an iced tea!" Nightcloud whined loudly from her spot on the living room sofa. The she-cat had been sitting lazily in front of the television all morning, leaving her poor mate to do all the cleaning and catering to her every whim.

Scourge paused dusting the kitchen counters and sighed. "Yes, dear. Whatever you want, dear. It would be my pleasure, dear." Grumbling, the black tom opened the fridge and pulled out a gallon of tea. He poured the sweet liquid into a glass and carried it into the living room. "Here you go."

"Thank you," Nightcloud mewed, taking a long sip of the tea. "How much cleaning do you have left? Our dinner party starts at six!"

The tom twisted his dust-rag. "Why did you want to have a dinner party when you're too pregnant to be of any help preparing for it? I've been cleaning the den for four hours and I'm not even done! I still have to run to the store and by the spices for the chicken, the noodles, the green beans, the-"

"I want some yellow peppers," Nightcloud interrupted.

"Yellow peppers?" Scourge asked. "Why?"

The she-cat glared at her mate. "I want yellow peppers NOW!"

The black tom's eyes widened. "Oh. Pregnancy cravings. I guess I'll go to the store now, then."

"You'd better! And get me a bag of chocolate chips, too!" Nightcloud ordered.

Sighing, Scourge nodded and padded back to the kitchen to grab his wallet. "Why did she just have to get pregnant?" he muttered. "I never even wanted kits! We'll probably have ten and they'll all be like her! Ferncloud better still be running that babysitting service…"

* * *

"Did you really have to invite Brokenstar?" Nightcloud complained, crunching on a yellow pepper. "All he'll do is talk about his latest murder plans."

Scourge put the last of the groceries in the refrigerator. Closing its heavy white door, the tom glanced over at his mate. "Don't worry- he's bringing Hollyleaf. She'll keep him in check."

"I still can't believe they're dating," the she-cat went on. "That is one _strange _couple!"

"And we're not?" Scourge questioned. "Besides, you invited Tansy and Ashfur. Oh gosh…don't tell me Star and Mallow are coming too!"

Nightcloud shook her head, popping some chocolate chips into her mouth. "They're staying with Brindleface. Ever since Ashfur married Tansy she's been bugging them to see her new grandkits."

The tom nodded. "Good. And can we talk about names for our kits soon? I want some input."

The black she-cat raised her eyes. "Really? You want to name our kids? What names were you thinking?"

"Well, I like the names Destruction, Demolition, and Terror for toms and Pain, Misery, and Suffering for she-cats," Scourge mewed, folding plastic supermarket bags.

"I am not naming my children Destruction or Suffering!" Nightcloud cried. "Besides, we're giving them Clan names, like Snowkit or Lilykit."

The tom shook his head. "No we aren't. I'm not a Clan cat."

"But I am!" his mate retorted.

Scourge rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm not going to argue about this now. I've got a meal to cook."

Nightcloud sent her mate one last glare before turning back to the television screen. "What stupid names…"

* * *

"Nightcloud! Scourge! It's great to see you!" a ginger she-cat gushed as she pushed through the front door of the den, a pale gray tom following closely behind.

"Tansy!" Nightcloud mewed, rushing up to her old friend. "How are things? The family all good? I haven't seen you in _ages_!"

Ashfur nodded. "I'll say. How long has it been? Four moons? Did you know Tansy's pregnant again?"

The black she-cat's green eyes widened. "Really? How wonderful! So am I!"

Tansy leaned forward to hug Nightcloud. "That's great! How many are you having? Ashy and I are expecting four- two toms and two she-cats!"

Nightcloud shrugged. "Scurgy and I want to be surprised."

"I don't care," Scourge mumbled. "I don't want children."

Ashfur swatted the tiny black tom good-naturedly. "You'll change your mind once the kids come!"

The doorbell rang loudly, signaling the arrival of Brokenstar and Hollyleaf. Scourge opened the door to let the couple in. The ragged-brown tabby pushed through the doorway roughly. "Good, dinner smells ready. I'm starving!"

"Broken-baby, remember your manners!" a young black she-cat scolded as she hurried after the tom. She turned toward Nightcloud and Scourge. "Thank you so much for inviting us. We don't get invited to dinner parties very much."

Nightcloud smiled kindly. "We just felt Brokenstar should have the chance to…you know, be normal."

"I get that," Hollyleaf meowed. "He's a lot of work, though. He has no manners whatsoever! It takes me forever to get him to say please or thank you! Hopefully this will be a good experience for him.

The rough tabby jerked his head toward the kitchen. "So are we going to eat or what?"

* * *

"Brokenstar, would you please pass the noodles?" Ashfur asked, swirling mashed potatoes around his plate.

The tabby stopped stuffing chicken into his mouth long enough to grab the noodle bowl and toss it at the gray tom, sending noodles flying.

"Brokenstar!" Hollyleaf cried. "That is not how we pass food at the dinner table! Clean that up right now!"

Nightcloud shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Brokenstar's our guest." She turned to her mate. "Scourge, clean that up right now!"

"Yes, ma'am," the tiny tom grumbled, getting up from the table.

Tansy spooned another helping of green beans onto her plate. "This is a lovely meal, Nightcloud."

"It really is," Hollyleaf agreed.

"Oh, it was no trouble at all," the black she-cat meowed. "Scourge did all the cleaning and cooking and shopping. I only had to order him around all day!"

The ginger guest laughed. "Does that sound familiar, Ashy?"

Ashfur nodded. "Yes, but I'm usually in trouble when you make me be your slave. What did Scourge do to deserve it?"

Nightcloud shrugged. "He wouldn't let his pregnant wife do all the work! He insisted I take it easy and watch TV while he does all the work."

"How sweet!" Hollyleaf mewed. "Broken-love, if we ever have a dinner party, you'd do all the work, right?"

The ragged tom narrowed his eyes. "Uh…yeah, of course." He turned to Ashfur and whispered, "Don't ever let her have a dinner party!"

Scourge scooped up the last of the noodles off of the floor. "Why is it the she-cats always have to order us around? Don't we toms ever get a say?"

All three she-cats laughed. "Yeah, sure!" Nightcloud meowed between giggles.

Tansy sent Scourge a sympathetic look. "It's only because we love you. If we didn't care, you toms could do whatever you wanted the then disaster would strike!"

Ashfur nodded. "Apparently my den was considered a 'danger zone' by Daisy's Department of Health and Safety. Tansy made me clean everything up, so now I can live and breathe safely in my home!"

"Toms would be lost without us," Hollyleaf meowed, eating one last bite of chicken.

Brokenstar finished cleaning his plate and grabbed the basket of rolls. "I'll just help get rid of left overs," he meowed.

"Broky!" his mate scolded. "You've had enough! You wouldn't want to get a bellyache, would you? Remember how bad your last one was when you over ate?"

The ragged tom held his roll tightly, staring at Hollyleaf. After a long hesitation, he sighed and put the bread back down. "I guess not."

Hollyleaf flashed Nightcloud and Tansy a proud glance. "See? They'd be lost without us!"


	7. The Kits

_**(A/N: Thanks for name suggestions. I used a few of them. All I can say is...poor Scourge.)**_

The Kits

Nightcloud stretched out across a wide purple sofa, staring at the television screen with a blank expression on her face. After enduring nearly two months of boredom and frustration, the queen was tired of doing almost nothing. "Scourge!" she cried loudly, nearly kicking over a can of Kitty-Cola as she swung her legs over the edge of the couch. "Get me to the hospital. NOW!"

A tiny black tom came scurrying out of the bedroom, dragging a vacuum cleaner along with him. "What's wrong?" he asked, worry showing in his amber eyes. "Are the kits coming?"

"They're going to be," Nightcloud growled, standing up slowly. "I'm sick of waiting around for them to get here. I want them born now!"

Scourge narrowed his eyes. "Your due date isn't for another week. You really should wait so we can make sure the kits are developed enough to survive."

The black she-cat glared at her mate. "My first litter was born early and Breezepelt's just fine!"

"But what happened to your other kits?" the tom asked. "I know you had more than one."

"Greencough happened," Nightcloud hissed, trying not to think about that memory. "It had nothing to do with them being born early."

Scourge sighed, knowing the she-cat would argue until she got her way. "Still, I think it would be better to wait. You know what Dr. Cinderpelt said about the importance of carrying kits to term."

Nightcloud rolled her eyes, pushing past her mate toward her bedroom to grab her purse. "Dr. Cinderpelt never had kits. What does she know?"

The tom hurried after her, planting himself in front of the doorway so Nightcloud couldn't enter the room. "Dr. Cinderpelt went to medical school. She's considered one of the best doctors in the feline world. I trust her judgment."

"Fine," the queen snapped. "If you won't take me to the hospital, I'll drive there myself!"

Scourge snorted, remembering Nightcloud's slew of traffic tickets and thinking the she-cat should have her license revoked. "You know that's not a good idea. You have a tendency to drive like a speed demon. That wouldn't be good for the kits, now would it?"

Nightcloud thrust her face into her mate's. "Either you drive or I get another ticket. We already owe Firestar's Police Force of Morality $3425 in traffic tickets. What's another $400?"

The small tom sighed heavily. "Fine. I'll drive- wait, how much do you owe?" Scourge's eyes widened as he realized what his mate had said. "I thought you only had five tickets!"

"It may have been more like fifteen," the she-cat mewed, not looking at her mate. "But that's not important right now. What's important is these kits being born and that's the end of it!"

* * *

Scourge paced madly outside the hospital room, glancing at a clock on the wall every thirty seconds. Dr. Cinderpelt had been in the room arguing with Nightcloud for over an hour now. What was taking them so long?

A young she-cat padded down the hospital corridor. Spying the nervous tom, the tortoiseshell cat strolled over tom him. "Can I help you?" she asked kindly.

"Yes. What's taking them so long?" Scourge asked, pointing to the closed door with his tail.

The she-cat glanced at the room number, then studied the clipboard she was carrying. "Hm…room 123…Nightcloud is demanding her kits be born early?"

The tom nodded. "That's my mate. Why haven't I heard anything? We've been here for almost two hours!"

The tortoiseshell nodded seriously. "I'll check for you." She pushed the door open and stuck her head inside. "Dr. Cinderpelt? I have a tom out here wondering if everything's alright."

"You can bring him in, Lilyheart," a voice replied. "We're through now."

Lilyheart turned back to Scourge, her eyes shining brightly. "Go ahead and see your family!"

The tom narrowed his eyes. The kits had been born? Why hadn't he been allowed in the room? As he padded into the hospital room, he saw Nightcloud holding a kit in her paws. A few other kits lay in little moss nests on a counter.

"Oh, Scurgy, aren't they adorable?" Nightcloud gushed.

Dr. Cinderpelt, who was scribbling something on a notepad, glanced up at the tom. "I would have let you in here to talk some sense into this mate of yours, but she insisted the kits be born and you'd only make her mad with your logic."

Scourge padded over to the mossy nests to see his kits. Including the one Nightcloud was holding, there were six newborns. The one in his mate's paws was solid black. Two more in the nests were black as well. Two of the kits were tortoiseshell with white chests, and the final kit was dark gray.

"That one looks like my mother," Scourge growled, pointing to the gray one with his tail.

"I know!" Nightcloud gushed. "She looks just like Quince, doesn't she?"

The tom studied the six infants with narrowed eyes. "Which ones are the toms? Who should we name Destruction, Demolition, and Terror? The she-cats will have to be Pain, Misery, and Suffering of course."

The black queen recoiled in horror at the names. "Oh Scurgy, we are not naming our children any of those! Besides, they're all she-cats."

"What?" Scourge gasped. "All six of them?"

"Yep," Nightcloud mewed. "Isn't that precious?"

The tom snorted. "And I'm guessing you've already given them all cutesy names?"

The she-cat nodded. "All except for the gray one. The black one I'm holding is Tutu. The ones in the nests are Hashtag and Lollipop. I named the tortoiseshell kits Sparkle and Shimmer."

"Those names are awful!" Scourge spat. "What about Devil? Dynamite? Death? Blood? Revenge?"

"I refuse to name any of my children those awful names!" Nightcloud growled. "You can name the gray one- but please give her a nice name."

The tom sighed, glaring at his mate. He turned toward the tiny gray kit and lifted her out of the nest. She squirmed a little bit, unhappy to be removed the warm nest. Scourge studied the kit intensely, wanting to choose a good name. Suddenly, a name came to him. It was the perfect name. "Her name is Misery from Pain and Suffering."


	8. Grandma Comes to Visit

_**(A/N: So the kits have been born...how are Nightcloud and Scourge going to handle raising six daughters? Will any of them be sickeningly sweet like their mother? Will Scourge try to train any of them to be evil? Will Misery beg for a name change? Hm...**_

_**If you haven't voted in poll yet, please do so! I'm curious!)**_

Grandma Comes to Visit

Nightcloud stood by the kitchen counter, spreading pink frosting on freshly baked cupcakes. Sparkle and Shimmer stood on step-stools next to their mother, shaking sprinkles onto the desserts. Lollipop and Misery from Pain and Suffering sat at the kitchen table stuffing their faces with cupcakes, leaving pink frosting smeared over their noses, their ears, their paws, and the table.

Scourge padded into the kitchen, carrying Tutu and Hashtag. Seeing two of his kits sitting at the table, he set the ones he was carrying down and rushed to the table and jerked a cupcake out of the gray kit's paws. "Misery from Pain and Suffering, how dare you enjoy a cupcake!"

Misery looked up at her father with very innocent blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I just wanted to see if Mama's cupcakes tasted good."

"No cupcakes for you!" Scourge snapped. He pulled a washcloth out of a drawer and ran it under some water before moving back to his kits and washing frosting off of their faces. "Only good little kits get cupcakes!"

Lollipop stared at the cupcake she was holding. "Am I a good little kit, Daddy?"

The black tom nodded. "Of course you are, dear." Turning back to Misery from Pain and Suffering, he growled, "Go put fresh moss in the guestroom nest. Then you can vacuum the whole den, mow the lawn, water the flowers, clean the dirtplace-"

"Scourge, stop that!" Nightcloud cried, finishing the last of the cupcakes. "That's too much work for one little kit."

"She should have thought about that before she ate a cupcake!" Scourge spat. He jerked Misery from her chair. "Go on, then. Get to it!"

The black queen glared at her mate, lifting Sparkle and Shimmer down from their step-stools. "You shouldn't be so hard on Misery. It's not her fault she looks like your mother."

Scourge snorted, taking a bite of Misery's cupcake. "She's a bad kit. She's not good like the others."

"Whatever," Nightcloud sighed. "Just try to be in a good mood when Quince gets here. She just wants to see her grandbabies."

"You should never have invited my mother here," the tom huffed.

The queen shook her head. "Everyone deserves to know their grandbabies." She dropped the cupcake pan into the sink and untied a sparkly pink apron that had been around her waist. "I'm going to go wash up. Lollipop, Sparkle, and Shimmer- you three should probably get washed up too. You're covered in frosting!"

The kits followed their mother out of the kitchen obediently, tracking pink frosting as they padded away. Scourge sighed, staring at the mess with dismay. "I guess I'd better get busy cleaning this up." Still mad at Nightcloud for letting Misery from Pain and Suffering have fun, he turned to Tutu and Hashtag with a mischievous look in his amber eyes. "You girls like to color, right?"

Tutu nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yes, Daddy!"

"Especially with glitter markers!" Hashtag added.

Scourge smiled and grabbed a handful of permanent markers from the kitchen's 'miscellaneous' drawer. "Why don't you draw Mommy a pretty picture on the wall? I'm sure she'd love it."

Hashtag's green eyes lit up. "We get to color on the wall?"

"Sure!" the father replied. "Make sure to draw a nice, big picture that covers the whole wall!"

Tutu grabbed the pink marker from her father's paws. "I'm going to draw a butterfly!"

"I'll draw a banana!" Hashtag added.

Scourge grinned as his daughters tore the caps off their markers and got to work. _Nightcloud's going to hate this!_

* * *

"Oh no!" Nightcloud cried in dismay when she found two of her kits scribbling on the kitchen wall. "Tutu! Hashtag! Stop that at once!"

Hashtag turned to face her mother. "What's wrong, Mama?"

"You can't color on the wall!" Nightcloud scolded. "That's very very bad!"

Scourge padded into the kitchen, feigning shock. "Oh my! Girls, what have you done?"

Tutu gave her father a confused look. "But you said we could!"

The black queen grabbed the markers from her daughters' paws. "Don't you blame your father for this! What you did was very naughty. Clean it up at once!

Just then, before Tutu and Hashtag could explain what had happened, the doorbell rang. "Oh no!" Nightcloud wailed. "Quince is here and the house is a mess!"

She hurried out of the kitchen to answer the door, while Scourge stayed behind. Snapping a picture of the mural on the wall, he gave his daughters a proud look. "Good going, girls."

"Mama's mad at us," Tutu mewed, her eyes tearing up.

"No, no!" Scourge meowed. "It's okay. We played a trick on her. It's funny."

Hashtag tipped her head to one side. "A trick?"

The father nodded. "Of course! It's perfectly fine!"

"Now where are these grandkits of mine?" a loud, annoyed voice grumbled from the living room.

"Just let Scourge and I fetch them, Quince," Nightcloud mewed sweetly. "Scurgy, bring the babies out!"

Scourge sighed and ushered Tutu and Hashtag out of the kitchen. He called for his other kits to come to the living room, and finally the new parents were able to present their daughters to the irritable Quince.

The father lined his kits up, wondering why five out of the six had to be wearing pink and purple tutus and ribbons on their ears. "Mother, these are my daughters," Scourge meowed cautiously. "Tutu, Hashtag, Lollipop, Sparkle, Shimmer, and Misery from Pain and Suffering."

Quince studied the kits intensely. "Weird names," she muttered. Spying the gray kit- the only one not wearing a tutu or ear ribbon- she smiled. "That one looks like me. Come here, little one."

The little kit padded to her grandmother cautiously. "Yes?"

"What's your name?" the older gray she-cat meowed, lifting the kit to her lap.

"Misery from Pain and Suffering," the kit squeaked.

Quince's eyes widened. "What kind of name is that?" She turned toward Scourge, fury brimming in her eyes. "How could you give this adorable little kit such an awful name?"

"How do you know I named her?" Scourge asked incredulously.

"Please," Quince growled. "Like this sweet, darling mate of yours would give such a cruel name to this little sweetheart."

Misery smiled shyly, unused to hearing kind words.

Scourge looked down at the floor, unable to answer his mother. Nightcloud shoved her way in front of her mate. "I wanted to name her something sweet, Scourge said he should get to name at least one of his children."

"He shouldn't be allowed to have kids, let alone name them," Quince spat, glaring at her son. "He's a horrible little runt who doesn't deserve to live. You should have left him the moment you found out you were having kits."

Nightcloud's eyes widened with shock. "I wouldn't leave Scourge! I love him!"

The old cat rolled her eyes. "Well he can't love you. That runt isn't capable of love." She turned back to Misery. "Now sweetheart, how about you and me take a trip to Disney World- just you and me?"

Misery looked surprised. "Really? Just me?"

"Of course!" Quince meowed. "We'll spend a whole week going on rides and eating junk food and meeting Mickey Mouse and Donald and Goofy!"

"Yay!" Misery from Pain and Suffering cheered as her grandmother stood up and carried the kit out of the den, slamming the door behind her.

Scourge stared at the den door in shock. "She…didn't even ask us if she could take our children to Disney World."

Sparkle folded her paws across her tortoiseshell chest, huffing crossly. "Why don't I get to go to Disney World?"

Nightcloud looked just as confused as the rest of her family. "Did Quince just kidnap my daughter?"


	9. The Road Trip

_**(A/N: So...Grandma Quince catnapped Misery. I bet she had a great time at Disney World. Now the family's going on a road trip together. I wonder how that will go...**_

_**For your reference- here's what the kits look like:**_

_**Tutu and Hashtag- solid black with green eyes**_

_**Lollipop- solid black with amber eyes**_

_**Sparkle and Shimmer- tortoiseshell with white chests and amber eyes**_

_**Misery from Pain and Suffering (Misery for short)- medium gray with blue eyes)**_

The Road Trip

"Lollipop, get your suitcase!" Nightcloud called loudly from outside the den. "We're waiting on you!"

Scourge shoved a large pink-and-purple polka dot suitcase into the back of the family mini-van. Then the tom began loading multiple matching pink suitcases into the van as well. "Did you really need to get all matching suitcases for the kits?" he asked his mate. "How can you tell which suitcase belongs to which kit?"

"Easy," the queen meowed. "Tutu has a skull-and-crossbones sticker on hers, Hashtag has hashtag stickers on hers, Lollipop has lollipop stickers on hers, Sparkle has the Starbucks logo on hers, Shimmer has an 'I Love Bramblestar' sticker on hers, and Misery has a black suitcase because you wouldn't let her get pink."

Lollipop came running out of the den, hauling her pink suitcase with her. "I'm here! Let's hit the road!"

Sparkle and Shimmer began bouncing up and down. "Can we listen to Disney songs? Pleasey please with sugar on top?"

"Of course!" Nightcloud meowed. "I have every Disney song ever on my iPod, so we can listen and sing along for the whole drive!"

Scourge recoiled in horror. "The drive is twenty-hours long! Can't we listen to something else?"

The queen shook her head. "No way! Disney music for twenty hours straight!"

Misery padded out of the den slowly. "Can we listen to Barney songs, please?" she asked sweetly.

Scourge shook his head. "No Barney for you! Only good kits get to pick the songs, and they want Disney!"

"May I please bring a book to read, then?" the gray kit meowed. "I promise I'll be good, Daddy."

"No!" the tom hissed. "You can sit and be bored for the whole ride!"

"Yes, Daddy," Misery mewed as she climbed into the van.

Scourge turned to Tutu and Hashtag. "So do you two remember our deal?"

Tutu bounced happily, twirling around in her purple tutu. "Of yes, Daddy! I remember!"

Hashtag nodded. "Every three minutes you want us to ask Mama 'are we there yet'?"

"Yes, and do it in the most annoying way possible," Scourge meowed. "Let's drive Mama crazy!"

* * *

"I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!" Sparkle and Shimmer sang loudly as the mini-van drove down the highway.

Nightcloud sang the next line. "Well, I've seen a king or beast with quite so little hair!"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Tutu and Hashtag interrupted, squealing repeatedly and bouncing in their seats.

The black she-cat wailed and put her paws over her ears. "I swear, if you two ask that one more time, I'll…I'll…"

"Are we there yet?" Hashtag meowed, pulling on the back of Nightcloud's chair.

Lollipop skimmed through a picture book. "Mama, read me a story!" she cried. "I want Berenstein bears!"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Sparkle, Shimmer, Tutu, and Hashtag cheered. "We want Berenstein bears!"

Misery sat quietly in her seat, staring out the window. She didn't join in the loud yelling or singing in an effort to be a good little kit so Daddy would like her.

Nightcloud finally sighed and gave in to her five kits' shrieks. "Okay, fine, I'll read you a story! But please be quiet!"

Scourge laughed quietly as he drove down the road. Tutu and Hashtag had been holding up their end of the bargain- they had been bugging Nightcloud since the moment they got in the car. This was turning out to be an enjoyable car trip.

A tiny voice sounded from the very back of the van. "Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom."

The tom sighed, glaring up at the rearview mirror. "Hold it, Misery!"

"But Daddy!"

"I said hold it!" Scourge spat.

"I have to go too!" Lollipop cried.

"Me too!" Shimmer meowed.

"Me three!" Tutu yowled.

"Me four!" Shimmer squealed.

"Me five!" Hashtag screamed.

Nightcloud hit her head on the dashboard. "Can't they be QUIET?"

Scourge rested a paw on his mate's shoulder. "Only fifty moons before they go off to college…and wherever Misery ends up."

He pulled off the highway when a rest area appeared. The tom climbed out of the van and pulled the back door open. Tutu, Hashtag, Lollipop, Sparkle, and Shimmer and ran out of the van to the building as fast as they could. Misery followed more slowly. "Thank you, Daddy," she mewed politely as she slid out onto the parking lot.

"Whatever," Scourge growled. "Just go to the bathroom."

"Yes, Daddy," the little gray kit mewed sweetly before padding after her sisters.

Nightcloud slammed her door. "I can't take this anymore! Tutu and Hashtag are unbearable!"

Scourge laughed. "They're just little kits. You can't expect them to sit still for twenty whole hours."

"Anyone would think someone put them up to it!" the queen carried on. "They ask if we're there yet every three minutes on the dot! They aren't ever even one second off!"

"You think I made them ask?" the tom gasped. "I would never tell my little angels to be naughty!"

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "Sure. Maybe they just inherited your evilness. At least Misery's a good kit."

Scourge shook his head. "No, she's awful. Tutu and Hashtag are the best behaved of the six. Lollipop, Sparkle, and Shimmer are pretty good, though."

The six kits hurried back to the van, five of them bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Can we have candy? Can we have candy? There's a candy machine! Can we have candy?" Tutu, Hashtag, Lollipop, Sparkle, and Shimmer begged.

Misery followed her sisters more slowly. She was the only one who wasn't demanding candy.

Nightcloud nodded to her kits. "Of course you can get candy!" She grabbed her purse and pulled out seven dollars. "Here's a dollar for each of you. Bring me back a candy bar, too."

"Yay!" the kits cheered, running back toward the rest area building.

Misery tipped her head to one side. "May I please have a candy, Mama?"

The queen nodded. "I gave y'all seven dollars. There's enough for you to get a candy."

Scourge shook his head. "Don't let her get candy! She's bad the whole car ride!"

"She hasn't said a word since we left!" Nightcloud meowed. "The others have been singing, talking, and yelling non-stop."

"Because they're normal kits," the father growled. "Misery's not normal. She looks like my mother."

Misery blinked sweetly. "I like Grandma Quince. She bought me a princess dress at Disney World."

Scourge turned to Nightcloud. "Do you hear that attitude? She's a bad kit!"

Before the mother could reply, their five other kits came running back. "Look Mama," Shimmer cried. "I got a Snickers bars!"

"I got a 3 Mouseketeers!" Sparkle added.

"I got a Kit-Kat!" Lollipop meowed.

"I got M &amp; Ms!" Tutu squealed.

"I got Skittles!" Hashtag yowled.

Nightcloud nodded. "That's all very good candy! What did you bring me?"

Lollipop handed the queen a package of Reese's peanut butter cups. "We got you this!"

The black she-cat took the candy. "Oh, my favorite! Thank you!"

Sparkle handed Misery a bag. "We got you sour gummy worms. I know that's your favorite candy."

"Oh, thank you very much!" Misery meowed. "I'll share with everyone!"

"You will not!" Scourge hissed, yanking the bag from his kit. "No candy for you! I'll just eat these myself."

Nightcloud opened the van door. "Now let's get back on the road! We only have nineteen hours, forty-three minutes to go!"

"And we're only seventeen minutes from our starting point…" Scourge grumbled. "We probably won't make it to the World's Largest Ball of Yarn until Christmas!"


	10. The Talent Show

**_(A/N: So...by a show of paws, who's favorite character is Misery? *Tansy's ginger paw goes up* Yeah...almost all of your comments from the last update were about how much you like her. Good. She's cute.)_**

The Talent Show

Nightcloud sat at the kitchen table, reading the local school's newspaper. Seeing an exciting announcement on the last page, the queen tore off her sparkly pink reading glasses and ran into the living room. "Kits, Moor Elementary School is having a talent show!"

Her kits, who were sitting on the couch watching _The Suite Life of Oak and Stormy _on Catalodean, turned to face their mother.

"A talent show?" Shimmer squealed. "That sounds like so much fun!"

Lollipop nodded. "I want to be in the talent show! I can sing my favorite song!"

Tutu and Hashtag bounced off of the couch and started jumping up and down. "Can we be in the talent show? Please please please?"

Nightcloud nodded. "Of course you can! All six of you can be in the talent show!"

Misery padded out of her bedroom, peeking around the corner. "Even me?" she asked, want showing in her blue eyes.

"Yes!" the queen meowed. "All my kits have to be in the talent show!" She stopped suddenly, her green eyes widening. "I've got to get a video camera! I want this recorded!"

Nightcloud ran out of the room, leaving the kits to think about their acts for the show. Scourge padded into the room, clearly confused by the excitement. "What's going on?"

"Oh, Daddy, we're going to be in a talent show!" Sparkle gushed. "I have to decide what I'm going to do!"

Misery padded further into the living room. "I know what I'm going to do."

The small black tom shook his head. "No you don't. You aren't going to be in the talent show."

"Please, Daddy?" she squeaked. "I promise I'll be good!"

"No."

The gray kit's eyes watered as she heard her father's words. "I'll do extra chores for a whole moon," she mewed, her voice wavering.

Lollipop jumped onto Scourge's back. "Let her be in the show, Daddy!"

Tutu and Hashtag leaped onto their father as well, knocking him over. "Yeah! Let her join!"

"Fine!" Scourge growled, gently shoving his kits away. "I think you sprained my back…"

* * *

"Oh my gosh, Tansy's here!" Nightcloud squealed as the family strolled into the elementary school auditorium. The queen ran off toward the ginger she-cat, yowling, "Tansy! Tansy!"

Scourge sighed as he watched his mate run off. Glancing back at his kits, he motioned with his tail in the direction of his mate. "We'd better follow her."

Tansy was standing next to Ashfur near the front of the auditorium, close to the stage. Seeing Nightcloud, the couple smiled brightly. "Hi, Nightcloud!" Tansy mewed. "Your kits go to school here, too?"

"They sure do!" the black queen mewed. As Scourge and the kits approached, she grabbed the six little ones and shoved them toward Tansy. "Just look at them! Aren't they the most adorable kits ever?"

Ashfur nodded. "They are cute. Ours are pretty awesome too, though."

Nightcloud ignored the gray tom. "They've got awesome names, too! The ones that look just like me are Tutu and Hashtag, the black one with amber eyes is Lollipop, the tortoiseshells are Sparkle and Shimmer, and the gray one is Misery from Pain and Suffering!"

"Tutu and Hashtag?" Tansy questioned. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I'm guessing Scourge named the gray one?" Ashfur added.

The father nodded grimly. "She looks like my mother."

"So where are your kits?" Nightcloud asked her friends.

Tansy jerked her head toward the backstage door. "Star and Mallow are already in their outfits. They're helping their brothers and sisters get ready."

Scourge narrowed his eyes. "Brothers and sisters?"

His mate whacked him with her black tail. "How could you have forgotten Tansy had more kits?" Nightcloud hissed. "They had two toms- Sunkit and Cloudkit- and two she-cats- Berrykit and Goldenkit."

A light brown tabby she-cat and a dark gray tom padded into the auditorium. Seeing old friends, the tabby ran up to Nightcloud and Tansy. "Oh, you're both here! How awesome is that?"

"Hi, Leafpool," Tansy welcomed her friend. "Are you here with Lionblaze and Cinderheart?"

Crowfeather shoved is way into the group. "What do you think?" he grumbled. "Only one of our kits had kits, so now I've got granddaughters and Leafpool makes me go to every single one of their events."

Ashfur rolled his eyes. "You have such a bad attitude, buddy. Sorrelkit, Fernkit, and Hollykit are so sweet!"

The dark gray tom snorted. "Whatever. I'm just here to make Leafpool happy. Seriously, she's more of a helicopter parent than Nightcloud!"

"Hey!" the black she-cat cried. "I wasn't that bad!"

A dark brown tabby tom padded onto the stage, holding a microphone in his paw. "Hello, parents and grandparents, and welcome to Moor Elementary School! I'm principal Bramblestar, and I'd like to encourage you to find a seat quickly, and we'll start the talent show in five minutes! Kits and apprentices- please report backstage and check in if you haven't already."

Scourge glanced down at his many daughters. "I guess you better get going," he meowed.

"Yay!" Sparkle squealed. "I'm so excited!"

"I'm excited-er!" Hashtag meowed.

The adult cats watched in amusement as the kits ran back stage. Ashfur glanced at Scourge, smiling cheerfully. "You're a lucky tom. Those kits are wonderful."

The black tom rolled his eyes. "You have _no _idea."

* * *

"And for our next act," a dark ginger she-cat meowed into a microphone, "we have Star and Mallow performing the final scene from _Titanic_."

The two black she-cats padded onto the stage, Mallow wearing a white lacy dress and Star wearing raggedy overalls. Mallow laid down on a thin wooden door on the stage, while her sister laid down on some blue tarp that was supposed to represent the ocean.

"Don't let me go, Rose!" Star meowed, her voice shaking as if she were freezing.

"I'll never let go, Jack!" Mallow mewed, clinging to her sister's paws.

Star closed her eyes. "I'm so cold. I don't know how much longer I can last."

"Stay awake, Jack!" the sister cried. "Don't close your eyes!"

"I'm dying, Rose," Star whispered.

Mallow broke into loud sobs. "No, Jack! You can't die! Don't leave me!"

Star then rolled off the stage, showing the audience that Jack was dead. Mallow clung to the wooden door, wailing. "No! No! No! Jack, how could you leave me? I love you!"

The kit who'd rolled of stage stood up and climbed back onto the stage and stood next to her sister. "And scene!" they squeaked, leaving the audience roaring in applause.

The ginger announcer applauded wildly. "That was Star and Mallow, folks!" Squirrelflight remind the audience. "Weren't they wonderful?

"Not as wonderful as my kits!" Nightcloud yowled back.

Scourge slumped down in his seat. "Oh, please don't embarrass me!" he sighed.

Squirrelflight ignored the outburst. "Now we have Sunkit, Cloudkit, Berrykit, and Goldenkit singing a medley of their favorite songs. Let's welcome them to the stage!"

Four young kits padded out from behind the curtain. The two pale ginger kits- Sunkit and Goldenkit- padded to the front of the stage while the gray kits stood behind them so they could be background singers. They began to sing…

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.

Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow!

Baa, baa black sheep, have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!

Hey diddle diddle,

the cat and the fiddle,

the cow jumped over the moon!

The little dog laughed to see such sport,

and the dish ran away with the spoon!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high,

like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star how I wonder what you are!"

The audience erupted in thunderous applause for the four kits, who bowed. Ashfur even threw roses up at his children. It was clear that the kits were a crowd favorite.

"That was so cute!" Squirrelflight meowed. "But we've still got many acts to see! Next up we have Hollykit, Fernkit, and Sorrelkit, and they are going to recite a poem they wrote!"

Three kits padded onto the stage, each holding a piece of paper. The two gray kits grabbed microphones from Squirrelflight, while the ginger kit took her place on the center of stage. The three began to read their poem.

"Firestar was a grand old cat.

Once he was a kittypet,

And was very very fat!

Then he went and joined a Clan,

To beat Tigerstar became his plan.

He died when fighting the Dark Forest,

When his strength was at its poorest.

Firestar was our great-granddad,

And we don't think he's all that bad!"

Squirrelflight and Leafpool burst into wild applause at the end of the poem. The announcer grabbed her microphone. "Wasn't that the best poem you've ever heard? And written by my grand-nieces! Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!" The she-cat glanced at her program, and then heaved a sigh. "I'd like to announce our winning act now, but we still have more acts. Tutu, Hashtag, and Lollipop are going to sing a song now."

The three black kit ran onto the stage. "Are you ready?" Lollipop mewed loudly. "We're going to sing the best song ever!"

Hashtag threw Tutu a microphone, and the three began to sing.

"Baby, baby, baby, ohhh,

Baby, baby, baby, nooo-"

Squirrelflight ran up to the kits and grabbed their microphones. "No Justin Bieber songs!" she scolded.

"But we like that song!" Tutu argued.

"Sing something else or you are disqualified!"

Hashtag shook her head. "Whatever. If we can't sing 'Baby,' then we're done here." She turned and padded off stage, her sisters following closely behind.

The ginger announcer shrugged. "Fine by me. Up next we have Sparkle and Shimmer, who are reenacting a scene from 'Starkit's Prophecy'…oh joy."

The two tortoiseshell kits bounced onto center stage, ready to begin their act.

"Oh, no!" Sparkle cried. "My life is too hard! Too many toms love me! Firestar loves me! Graystripe loves me! Blackstar loves me! Ashfur loves me! Hawkfrost loves me! Tigerstar loves- "

"Ahhh!" Shimmer yowled, bowling her sister over. "Starkit, you're the most annoying character ever! Now you die for being annoying!" The kit then shoved her sister off of the stage, where Sparkle landed with a thud,

"I'm okay!" the kit announced, climbing back up.

The audience applauded enthusiastically, that being the best 'Starkit's Prophecy' act they'd ever seen.

Squirrelflight laughed as the kits padded backstage. "That was quite something, wasn't it? Now for our last act, we have…wait, what's this kit's name? Uh, we have Misery from Pain and Suffering, and she's going to sing a song."

The tiny gray kit padded onto the stage, taking a microphone from Squirrelflight. "Thank you," she meowed sweetly. "This is a song for my Daddy, because I love him very much!

I love you, you love me!

We're a happy family!

With a great big hug,

And a kiss from me to you,

Won't you say you love me too?"

"Encore! Sing it again! Beautiful! Wonderful! We love you, Misery!" the audience yowled, giving their loudest applause of the night.

The kit blinked bashfully. "Thank you. I love you, Daddy!"

Squirrelflight padded to the center of the stage. "And now it's time to announce the winners of the night! In third place we have the greatest performance of 'Starkit's Prophecy' that's ever been done. Congratulations, Sparkle and Shimmer!"

The kits bounded back onto the stage to receive their trophy.

"Oh, thank you!" Sparkle cried.

"We worked really hard on that!" Shimmer added.

The announcer nodded. "I could tell. That was amazing!" She glanced down at her program again. "I think we can all agree that this trio deserves second place for their amazing poem about my father. Congratulations to Hollykit, Fernkit, and Sorrelkit!"

The three kits raced back onto the stage. "Yay!" they cheered. "We love Firestar!"

"I do too!" Squirrelflight added. "But now it's time to announce first place. Can I get a drumroll please?"

Bramblestar hauled a drum onto the stage and began beating it madly.

"And the winner is…Misery from Pain and Suffering!" the announcer cheered.

The kit's eyes widened with shock. "Me?" she gasped.

"Yes!" Squirrelflight replied, handing the kit a huge trophy that was bigger than her. "You deserve it!

Misery clung to her trophy, looking as if she couldn't quite believe it. "I want to thank my Daddy for letting me sing in the talent show. He's the best daddy ever! I love you, Daddy!"

Scourge slouched even further down in his seat. "What have I done to that kit? She was supposed to hate me!"


	11. The Evil Lesson

_**(A/N: So...yesterday I decided to get an account on tumblr and start a blog. Guess who stayed up to 1 am looking at Warrior cat memes. Me. This may have been a mistake. Anyway, if any of you are interested, my tumblr name is almightyempresstansy and the blog will be primarily Warriors rants.**_

_**Oh, and in exciting news, some fanfiction blog that advertises stories advertised my trollfic! Not my best work,, but still! Apparently my stupid trollfic was good enough to be advertised on tumblr. I was shocked to see that.)**_

The Evil Lesson

Scourge closed the door of the bedroom Tutu and Hashtag shared. Cringing, he stared at the pale pink walls, fluffy pale pink bedspreads, white lacy curtains, and hot pink carpet. It was one of the girliest rooms the tom had ever seen, and it was horrifying.

Sitting on the soft carpet, Tutu, Hashtag, and Misery were playing a board game. Seeing their father come in, the tiny she-cats shoved the game board off to the side and climbed in their plushy pink bean-bag chairs.

Tutu adjusted the lime green bow perched on her left ear. "Is it time for our lesson, Daddy?" she asked.

The tom nodded seriously. "Yes. Girls, it is time for the three of you to learn how to be evil."

Misery narrowed her blue eyes worriedly. "Being evil is very naughty. Mama would get mad."

"Hush up, you!" Scourge growled. "You're lucky I let you join in at all."

"Why did you choose us, Daddy?" Hashtag squeaked. "Why aren't Lollipop, Sparkle, and Shimmer here?"

Scourge sat down on Tutu's bed, wincing at the extremely soft feel to the cover. "This is a secret club. It's only for cats who can keep a secret," he meowed slyly. "The other three couldn't keep this a secret. They're too sweet and would tell us on. Then we'd all be in trouble."

Tutu bounced excitedly in her seat. "Oh, I love secrets!"

"Me too!" Hashtag squealed.

Misery shook her head. "Mama says not to keep secrets. She said it is very bad."

"Be quiet, Misery from Pain and Suffering," the father hissed. "You'd better keep this club a secret or I'll make you join the school's battle team!"

The kit's eyes widened, but she said nothing.

Nodding with satisfaction, the tom stood up and padded to the whiteboard that hung on the wall. After erasing a sweet drawing of a butterfly being torn apart by a dragon, he wrote 'How to be Evil 101' in pink marker. "Okay girls, are you ready for your first lesson?"

"Yes!" Tutu and Hashtag cried in unison.

Misery stayed silent.

"Good," Scourge meowed. "Let's start with the basics. The first thing you need to learn is what?"

"How to win Pretty Pretty Princess?" Hashtag guessed.

The tom shook his head angrily. "No! Evil cats don't play with princess stuff! The first thing you need to learn is to never tell anyone good your evil plan."

Tutu slid a pair of sparkly green reading glasses on. Taking a piece of paper out from under her chair, she wrote down what her father said. "Never tell good cats your plan," she mewed slowly as she wrote.

"This is very important," Scourge added. "You don't want good cats to know what you're doing. Who's that cat who runs a police force of morality?"

"Firestar!" Hashtag cried, happy to know an answer.

The father nodded. "Yes. We don't like him. Don't ever talk to that cat."

Tutu scribbled that note down furiously. "No talking to Firestar," she mewed. Frowning, she raised her paw. "Daddy, what about Hollyleaf? She's his deputy, but she's dating Brokenstar."

"Hollyleaf is working undercover for Firestar," Scourge growled. "Don't be tricked by her fake love for my boss. Now let's move on to this week's assignment."

"We have _homework_?" Hashtag asked, flashing her father an unhappy look.

Tutu nodded in agreement. "What is this? School?"

"I like homework," Misery added sweetly.

Scourge narrowed his eyes. "This is much more important than school! This is how to live! I'm giving you life lessons here. This is your future!"

Misery batted her eyes. "I want to be a librarian in the future."

"That is not evil!" her father growled. "You are not allowed to be a librarian. Pick an evil career."

"Can I have a flower shop, then?" the gray kit asked.

Scourge hit his head with his paw. "Did this kit inherit _anything_ from me?" he muttered to himself. Regaining his composure, he began writing on the whiteboard. Underneath the name of the lesson, he wrote 'Easy Evil Plans for Beginners'. "Can any of you think of easy things to do that could be evil?"

Hashtag tipped her head to one side. "I could steal Lollipop's stuffed dolphin. I've always wanted it, but she won't give it to me!"

"That's a good start," her father meowed. "Anything else?"

"Popping some kit's balloon?" Tutu suggested.

Scourge nodded. "That's easy enough. How about shredding Mama's favorite tutu and telling her Shimmer did it?"

Misery's eyes widened. "That's so bad! Mama would be very angry with you if you did that."

"I'm not doing it!" her father spat. "You are!"

"I am not!" the kit argued. "I don't ruin Mama's things or blame someone else!"

Scourge stared at his daughter angrily. "You'll do it if I tell you to."

Misery shook her head. "No I won't!"

The tom clenched his paws, trying to stay calm. "Fine. If you won't learn to be like me, then get out. This is only for evil cats."

The kit stood up, glaring at her father. "I didn't want to be a part of this anyway." She stalked toward the door, muttering as she opened it and padded out. "I really need to call Grandma Quince. Daddy's being very naughty!"

Scourge took a deep breath before continuing the lesson. "Now we can move on without good cats ruining it for us," he meowed. "Anyway, you're first assignment will be to do at least one little evil act before we meet again. Can you handle that?"

Tutu nodded. "I think I'll break Sparkle's new Barbie doll. She won't let me play with it! If I can't have it, neither can she!"

"Good, Tutu!" Scourge meowed. "That's a great idea! How about you, Hashtag?"

The black kit narrowed her eyes, thinking. "I'm going to steal Lollipop's math homework so she gets an F!"

"Wonderful!" her father gushed. "You see, this is why I chose the two of you for my evil lessons. You two show real evil potential!"

"Yay!" Hashtag squealed. "I always wanted to be evil!"

Tutu folded her paws across her chest. "I want to be an evil queen. Can I have a crown?"

Scourge nodded. "Of course you can! You can wear whatever you want if it makes you feel evil!"

"I want to be an evil pirate!" Hashtag announced. "Then I can have an eye-patch and a hook for a front paw!

The tom smiled, knowing his plan was coming together nicely. "I knew I picked the right kits to train. Soon you'll be ready for an internship at Brokenstar's House of Villains!"


	12. The Fair

_**(A/N: Hey, y'all! I'd like to come up with individual little personalities for each kit, but I'm having a bit of trouble. I've got Misery as "the sweetheart", Tutu as "the academic", and Hashtag as "the villain in training." I'm having a harder time with Lolliopop, Shimmer, and Sparkle. If you have an idea of what I could for them, please let me know. I want Shimmer and Sparkle to be the same, since they're kind of like best friends and do everything together, but they and Lollipop need something to differentiate them from the other three.)**_

The Fair

Scourge drove the family minivan into a large parking lot, wondering why he had let Nightcloud talk him into yet another family adventure. Sparkle and Shimmer sat in the second row of seats, begging for candy before Scourge even turned the vehicle off. Tutu, Hashtag, and Lollipop sat in the back row, begging to ride ponies. Misery sat on the floor between her tortoiseshell sisters, not saying a word as her sisters screeched excitedly.

"We're at the fair! We're at the fair!" five of the kits shouted as Scourge finally parked.

Nightcloud turned around to face her kits. "Now you'll have to be good today. You can only beg Daddy for twenty things each! Twenty-one things is completely unacceptable."

Misery blinked sweetly up at her mother. "All I want is a little cotton candy, please."

"Alright, everyone out!" Scourge grumbled, opening the driver-side door. "Let's get this over with!"

The eight cats scrambled out of the van, the six little ones bouncing wildly as their parents corralled them toward the fair entrance. Nightcloud stopped at the entrance booth, wallet out and ready to pay the admission fee.

"How much for two adults and six kits?" she asked to the burly black tom in the booth.

"Adults are $35, kits are $20," the cat grumbled, looking bored.

Scourge looked up in shock. "How much? This is an outrage! We aren't paying those prices!"

"Then you don't get to go to the fair," the ticket cat meowed, shrugging dismissively. "Your choice."

Shimmer and Sparkle danced around their father. "We want the fair! We want the fair NOW!"

Nightcloud sighed, giving Scourge a defeated glance. "I guess we're going. It's a good thing Brokenstar gave you that raise."

The black she-cat turned back to the ticket salescat and gave him $190. "Is that enough?" she asked sweetly.

"I guess," he replied. "Have a good time."

The family entered the camp, pausing to stare in amazement at the chaos taking place. Cats were everywhere, entering pie eating contests, playing games, getting their faces painted- they were just everywhere!

"What should we do first?" Nightcloud asked.

Lollipop pointed in the direction of a red-and-yellow striped tent containing ponies. "Pony ride!"

"Why would you want to ride a smelly old pony?" Scourge asked. "That's not what evil cats do."

"I'm not evil, and I want to ride the ponies!" the tiny black she-cat cried, folding her paws across her chest angrily.

Nightcloud nodded. "And you will. To the ponies!"

Scourge followed his mate and daughters over the ponies, wishing he could be anywhere else. Upon approaching the attraction, the tom noticed a sign outside the pony tent- 'Adult rides $30, Kit rides $40'. "Seriously? This is a rip-off!" he spat. "Let's go do something else!"

His mate ignored him and went up to the pony handler to give him her money. "So that will be one adult and six kits, I guess," she meowed.

Hashtag stood by her father, wrinkling her face unhappily. "I don't want to ride a pony," she mewed uncertainly. "That's not what evil cats do."

"Okay, make that five kits," her mother corrected, handing the ginger tabby pony cat her money.

Scourge watched in disgust as Nightcloud and five of his kits climbed up on ponies. "At least I have one good kit," he growled quietly.

"I'm going to be evil!" Hashtag squeaked, sounding as if she were trying to convince herself more than her father. She didn't look very happy about being left out.

After the pony rides, the cats debated what to do next. Sparkle and Shimmer wanted to play carnival games and win giant fluffy toy unicorns. Tutu wanted to get her face painted. All Misery wanted was cotton candy.

As Scourge paid $345 for their lunch, which consisted of only pizza, corndogs, and sodas, a carnival worker made an announcement that the pie eating contest was about to begin, and there were still spots open for cats who want to compete.

"Scurgy, you should compete in the pie eating contest!" Nightcloud gushed, stuffing a corndog in her mouth.

"Yes!" the kits echoed. "Please, Daddy!"

"No!" Scourge spat. "Evil cats don't eat pie. We murder cats and turn them into pie!"

Misery hugged her father tightly. "It's okay, Daddy. You don't have to if you don't want to."

Scourge shoved her away. "Get off me, kit!" he hissed. "Let's just go. This fair is a waste of money."

"You're doing the pie eating contest!" Nightcloud decided, and stood up from the table to go enter her mate.

* * *

"Alright, toms, you have to eat as many pies as you possibly can. Whoever eats the most pies without getting sick wins!" a tabby tom in a red-and-white striped shirt meowed.

Scourge stared in horror at the table in front of him. There were literally hundreds of pies piled on top of each other- apple, blueberry, cherry, boysenberry, peanut butter, pumpkin- all types of pies!

A long line of toms sat around the table, each wearing bibs around their necks. Berrynose, Mousewhisker, Ravenpaw, and Dustpelt sat on one side of the table. Graystripe, Stormfur, Bumblestripe, and Spiderleg sat on the other side. Scourge stared at the other toms nervously. They were all much bigger than him, and Graystripe was known for his eating abilities. This was not going to be easy.

The contest cat held up a green flag. "Get ready, get set, go!" he cried, waving the flag as the toms began diving into the pies.

Scourge grabbed a cherry pie and started shoving the crust and fruit into his mouth, finishing it quickly. _Hey, this is easy!_ he thought as he reached for a second pie. He finished an apple pie almost as quickly, but began slowing down during a pumpkin pie. _This is only my third pie! I've got to keep going!_

He reached for a chocolate mud pie and began scooping the pudding into his mouth, aware that his stomach was beginning to ache. Still, the tiny tom pushed on and reached for a blueberry pie. His paws moved slower and slower, finding it harder to get one more bite of pie down. By now his stomach was churning and Scourge realized he had never felt so full in his life. The tom began to reach for another paw, but his stomach suddenly cramped up and he fell out of his chair in pain.

"And the winner of the pie eating contest is…Graystripe with sixteen pies!" the announcer cheered. "In second place is Stormfur with ten and a half pies, third is Bumblestripe with ten, fourth is Mousewhisker with nine, fifth place is Berrynose with eight and a half, Dustpelt and Ravenpaw tie sixth place with eight pies each, Spiderleg finishes in seventh place with seven pies, and in last place was Scourge with five pies!"

Scourge glared at the announcer for letting everyone know he was in last place. His paws aching and his stomach throbbing, the tom hauled himself off of the pie stage slowly, just wanting to go home and sleep his pain away. Nightcloud gave him an encouraging smile as he pushed past her on his way to the exit. In his pain, he failed to notice that his daughters had been playing games and were now carrying the goldfish they had won. All seventy-two of them.


	13. Halloween with Nightcloud and Scourge

**_(A/N: So the Halloween story is unlucky number 13. How strange...)_**

Halloween with Nightcloud and Scourge

"That's not fair!" Sparkle whined. "Shimmer got a bigger pumpkin than me!"

Scourge glared unhappily at the dining room table, which had eight huge pumpkins sitting on it. He had bought the kits pumpkins, and now they were complaining? How ungrateful. "Deal with it," he snapped at his daughter. "You're just lucky I got pumpkins."

Nightcloud sat between her tortoiseshell daughters, working on carving her own pumpkin. "What are you girls carving?" she asked. "My pumpkin is a kittypet wearing a tutu."

Tutu huffed angrily as she jabbed her pumpkin with a knife. "Mine is supposed to be a scary face, but it's not working!"

"I'm making a ghost!" Hashtag mewed, drawing a pencil outline on the orange pumpkin skin. "It's going to be awesome!"

"Mine's a flower!" Shimmer squealed, running her carving knife along her outline carefully. "It's going to be so pretty when I'm done!"

Sparkle, still grumbling about having a smaller pumpkin, picked up a pencil and began making her outline. "I think I'll do a butterfly."

Misery sat in front of her pumpkin, her paws dripping in finger paints as she splattered the colored liquid on her pumpkin. "I didn't want to carve mine. I'm painting Mapleshade as a witch. See her green fur? She looks scary!"

"That looks great, Misery!" Nightcloud gushed. "You're such a good artist! Scurgy- start carving your pumpkin!"

"No!" the tom spat. "I don't partake in such childish activities."

The black she-cat sent a stern glare to her mate. "Get over here and carve a pumpkin! Now!"

Sighing, Scourge heaved himself off of the purple couch in the living room and hauled himself to the kitchen table. "Fine. I'll carve a picture of the time I ripped Tigerstar to shreds. Now that's spooky!"

"Just make sure it's not too graphic," Nightcloud mewed. "You don't want to scare the kits!"

"Yes I do!" he retorted, slicing the pumpkin with a sharpened knife. "Just watch me!"

* * *

"Okay, we've got five minutes before we have to leave for Tansy's costume party!" Nightcloud called. "Kits, are you ready to go?"

Tutu padded down the stairs slowly. The little black kit was wearing a Warriors University sweatshirt and hat, her green sparkly reading glasses, and she was holding two books- A History of England and The Complete Works of Shakespeare. "Do I look scholarly enough?" she asked, shifting her books from one paw to the other.

"You look great!" her mother mewed, snapping a picture with a bright pink camera. "Just like a regular college student!" The kit smiled happily before padding over to the couch to wait for her sisters.

Hashtag ran down the stairs and into the living room. The kit was wearing a black and dark red cap, fangs, and red eyeliner. She was also wearing a sparkly tiara. "I'm a princess vampire!" she squealed, twirling around in her cape. "It's because I'm a villain-in-training and a pretty princess!"

Scourge rolled his eyes. "Hashy, you don't look nearly evil enough. I explicitly told you not to wear your tiara! No tiara, no glitter, no tutu- nothing girly at all! Girly isn't evil!"

"I'm a girly villain!" Hashtag growled. "I wanted to be a princess vampire, so that's what I am!"

Before her father could reply, a loud crash sounded from the stairwell. A kit wearing a blue football jersey, white and blue helmet, and white kneepads rolled down the stairs. "Sorry!" Lollipop mewed as she stood up, shaking herself. "I couldn't see the stairs with this helmet!"

"Who are you supposed to be?" her mother asked, taking another picture.

"I'm Payton Manning!" Lollipop cried. "He plays American football! He used to play for the Colts, but now he plays for the dumb Broncos. He's like the greatest football player ever!"

Nightcloud narrowed her eyes. "I thought you were going to be a lollipop or something sweet for Halloween."

The kit shook her head. "I like sports, Mother. Did you forget I joined the school's football team? I'm the kicker! I'm the only she-cat football player in the whole town!"

"Well," Nightcloud mewed, not sure about this, "I still think you could at least have a sparkly uniform or something."

"Make way for the queen!" a loud voice yowled from the top of the stairs.

"And the princess!" an identical voice echoed.

The cats in the living room all turned their heads to watch as Sparkle and Shimmer padded down the stairs, one wearing a long, sparkly blue and white dress and a blonde wig, the other wearing a long dark green dress and a dark ginger wig. The tortoiseshell kits stopped at the bottom of the stairs, posing for Nightcloud's camera.

"Don't I make a beautiful Elsa?" Sparkle asked, whipping her long, almost white hair braid around her shoulder. "I sewed this dress myself."

"And I sewed mine!" Shimmer mewed, twirling around in her green dress. "I'm Anna! Now where's Hans? I need to say a thing or two to him about leaving me to die!"

Nightcloud clutched her heart as she stared at her kits. "Adorable! I knew giving you two that sewing machine was a great idea! You are so perfect as Anna and Elsa."

"I'm glad they sewed their own costumes," Scourge growled. "I looked online and saw those dresses cost over $100 each! They saved me a ton of money!"

Misery padded down the stairs last, glad to have let her sisters present themselves first. "I'm Snow White," she mewed quietly, proudly showing off her blue, red, and yellow dress and black wig. "I sewed my own dress too."

Her mother hugged the little gray kit tightly. "You are such a gorgeous princess, Misery! I love that dress do much!"

"Darn kit," Scourge spat. "Why couldn't she just be ghost and wear a sheet over her head or something? Why are we even letting her come to Tansy's party anyway?"

"Because Sunkit wants her to be there!" Nightcloud hissed. "Tansy said he's asked her if Misery will be at the party every day for the past moon!"

Tutu bounded up and down. "Sunkit has a crush on Misery!" she announced.

"A crush?" the tom gasped. "On my daughter? Oh no! All of you are much too young for-"

"Scourge, get your costume on!" Nightcloud ordered, interrupting her mate.

He sighed, sending her a mutinous glare. "Why do I have to be the beast? He turns nice at the end of the movie!"

Nightcloud sighed, pulling a golden-colored poofy ball gown on. "I'm going as the Beauty, so you have to go as the Beast. That's how it works!"

Scourge rolled his eyes and grabbed the furry brown beast costume and slipped into it while glaring as his mate. He yanked the zipper up forcefully. "There, I'm in costume. Happy now?"

"Perfect!" the black she-cat smiled. "Now let's go to the party!"

* * *

Misery stood by a bowl of punch, drinking from a plastic cup delicately. A pale ginger tom dressed as Prince Charming stood beside her, nibbling on a cookie.

"So who do you think is going to win a prize for best costume?" Sunkit mewed.

"I think Sparkle and Shimmer should win," the gray kit replied, batting her eyes sweetly at the tom. "Or you could. I love your Prince Charming costume!"

Sunkit narrowed his eyes. "But I'm the Prince Charming from _Cinderella, _not _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_. If I had known you were going to be Snow White, I would have been that Prince Charming!"

Misery sipped her fruit punch, giving the tom a kind look. "Well, I still think it's cute."

"So what did you get on that test in history class?" the tom asked, changing the subject.

The kit was about to answer, but a large ginger she-cat dressed as Cruella de Ville padded onto a stage, ready to make an announcement. "Who's ready for the costume contest?"

"I guess we'd better go over there," Misery meowed. "I want to know if Mother and Daddy won for best couples' costume."

"It won't be my parents winning that," Sunkit said, throwing his orange napkin away. "Father wouldn't dress as one of the bad men from _101 Dalmatians_. He insisted on dressing as Hercules."

Tansy waited for all the guests at her party to gather beneath her stage. "We have a few categories for prizes," she meowed. "We have a category for best couples' costumes, best movie duos, cutest kit's costume, and best overall costume! There will be a first place for each category and a second place for each. First prize is $50 and a trophy, second prize is $25 and a giftcard to Build-a-Bear. Now let's get started."

Misery sent Sunkit a mischievous glance. "I hope my dad wins for cutest costume," she mewed. "That would make him so mad!"

"I think winning at all would make him mad!" the ginger tom laughed. "I'm surprised Nightcloud was even able to get him into a costume!"

The ginger host unfolded a sheet of orange-and-black paper. "The first category is 'Cutest Kit's Costume'," Tansy meowed. "The winners for all of the categories have been selected by an esteemed panel of judges, and by that I mean Ashykins and me. Anyway, the second place winner is…Tutu the college girl!"

Misery turned to look at her sister, who shuffled her books while her green eyes widened with. "I won?" the black kit gasped. "For real? I came in second place?"

"You sure did, Tutu!" Tansy meowed. "You get $25 and a giftcard to Build-a-Bear!"

"Yay me!" the black she-kit squealed, dropping her books to clap her paws excitedly.

The ginger she-cat carried on. "And in first place for 'Cutest Kit' is…Cloudkit as Indiana Jones!"

The white tom wearing a fedora and wielding a whip leaped high into the air. "Yay! I won!"

"No fair!" Sunkit huffed. "I think my costume's better than my brother's!"

Misery laid a comforting paw on the tom. "I think you should have won."

"And now for 'Best Couples' Costume'," Tansy continued, "our second place winners are…Cloudtail and Brightheart as John Smith and Pocahontas! Congratulations you two!"

"I'm not surprised Mom and Dad lost," Sunkit meowed. "They didn't even dress as a couple!"

The ginger host wasted no time announcing the next winner. "Your first place winner for 'Best Couples' Costume' is…Nightcloud and Scourge as Beauty and the Beast!"

"Yay!" Misery cheered, clapping her paws. "Yay Mother and Daddy!"

Sunkit smiled at the gray she-cat. "Your parents deserved that win. Scourge looks fantastic!"

"I know! He looks so scary, and yet so lovable at the same time!" Misery squeaked. "I love his costume!"

Tansy shuffled her paws as she waited for the cheering to die down. "Next up I'll announce the winners for 'Best Movie Duos'. Our second place winners are…Leafpool and Crowfeather as the Lady and the Tramp!"

"Crowfeather really is a tramp, isn't he?" Misery mewed to her friend.

"He really is," Sunkit agreed. "I don't know how Leafpool puts up with him."

"And now for our first place winners," Tansy meowed. "The winners for 'Best Movie Duo' are…Sparkle and Shimmer as Elsa and Anna!" She waited for the crowd to cheer before carrying on. "Now for what you've all been waiting for- it's time to announce the winners for 'Best Overall Costume'. Our second place winner is…Bramblestar, who's dressed as his own father- Tigerstar! Great costume, Brambley! Those scars almost look real!"

Misery turned to glance at the large dark brown tabby, who was looking confused. "They are real…" he muttered. "I'm not even in a costume."

Tansy shrugged. "But you're still adorable. Not that I love you more than Ashfur or anything, but you are absolutely, positively, without a doubt a-MAZING!"

"And I'm taken," the tabby growled, pointing at a frumpy-looking witch beside him. "Remember Squirrelflight?"

"Whatever," Tansy meowed. "At least I've got my Ashykins. Anyway, now for the last award of the night. Your first place winner is…Misery as Snow White!"

Misery looked up in surprise. "Me?" she asked.

The ginger she-cat nodded. "Absolutely! You're adorable!"

The tiny gray kit padded up to the stage to receive her trophy. "Thank you very much," she mewed politely."

Tansy nodded. "That's the last of the awards. Now we can dance! Leafy- turn up the volume on that spooky music!"

Misery bounced down the stairs of the stage to Sunkit. "Do you want to dance with me?"

"Sure!" Sunkit meowed, and the two kits danced the night away on this lovely Halloween night.


	14. Report Card Day

Report Card Day

Nightcloud stood in the kitchen, wearing a bright pink bedazzled apron tied around her waist. Holding a tray of freshly-baked vanilla cupcakes in one paw, the she-cat studied her frosting selections. She set the tray down on the marble counter and opened a container of purple buttercream frosting. Swirling the thick, sweet cream on the tops of her cupcakes, Nightcloud began looking for an icing dispenser so she could put writing on the top of the treats. Finishing the base of her frosting, she took the dispenser and filled it with red frosting. She began writing large letter As on the cupcakes.

"Perfect for report card day!" the she-cat meowed, staring down at her creation proudly. "Just like my perfect kits and their perfect grades!"

* * *

The family sat around the dinner table, finishing a bowl of Nightcloud's homemade spaghetti. The kits gleefully slurped down their noodles, spraying marinara sauce everywhere.

Scourge set his water glass down and gave his daughters a serious look. "Now I do believe we got report cards in the mail today, right?" he asked.

"Yes we did!" Tutu exclaimed happily. "I'm so excited to see what I got in all my classes!"

"Me too!" Misery mewed sweetly. "I hope I got good grades."

Lollipop bit down on a piece of garlic bread. "Who cares about grades? I'm going to get a football scholarship for college. I don't need all As or anything."

Nightcloud jumped up from the table, going to get the day's mail. "Let's look at the report cards before we eat dessert. I just can't wait to see what grades you all got! I'm sure you'll make Scourge and me very proud!"

The black tom took the top envelope out of his mate's paws. "Misery's report card," he growled, glancing at the gray kit. "If you don't have straight As, you will be severely punished, young lady!"

He ripped the envelope open and pulled out a thin yellow sheet. "Hm…Advanced English- A+, Advanced Calculus- A+, Advanced Biology- A+, Advanced World History- A+, Advanced Painting- A+, Advanced Government- A+, and Advanced Drama- A+. Let's see what comments your teachers left…" He turned the sheet over to read the list of comments. "Pleasure to have in class, respectful, a wonderful student, and does exceptional work."

"Oh, good for you, Misery!" Nightcloud gushed, handing the kit a cupcake.

"Yes," Scourge growled, "good for you. You'd better keep it up, though."

Misery unwrapped her cupcake neatly. "I will. I promise," she mewed. "I'm also on the Quiz Bowl team, Chess team, the scrabble team, and the debate team!" She sighed dreamily. "I love school…"

Nightcloud opened the next envelope. "Tutu's report card," she meowed, studying the yellow sheet. "Advanced English- A+, Advanced Calculus- A+, Advanced Chemistry- A+, Advanced World History- A+, Advanced Sculpting- A+, Advanced Creative Writing- A+, and Advanced Psychology- A+."

"Yes, I got all As!" Tutu cried, clapping her paws. "What did my teachers say about me?"

"Hm…you are a pleasure to have in class, you are an excellent student, you are respectful to teachers and students, and are just overall wonderful," Nightcloud read, studying the report card.

The kit nodded proudly. "I thought so. School is just amazing! That's why I joined the Math Bowl, the Science Bowl, and the Spell Bowl! I wish I could live at school!"

Lollipop snorted, glaring at her sister. "Weirdo."

"Well, let's take a look at Sparkle's report card," Scourge meowed, opening another envelope.

The tortoiseshell kit groaned. "Mine won't be as great as Misery's or Tutu's! Please don't me angry with me!"

Her father gave her a stern look before reading her grades. "English- B+, Pre-algebra- A-, World History- B, Biology- A-, Sewing and Textiles- A, Cooking- A, Orchestra (first chair Violin)- A+." Scourge paused for a moment before reading the comments. "Well, this is still a decent report card. You didn't do that badly."

Sparkle sighed heavily. "But I didn't get straight As!"

"That's fine," her father meowed. "At least you're trying. Now let's see what your teachers say about you…Pleasure to have in class, studies well, always pays attention…now these are good comments, Sparkle!"

The kit brightened at her father's praise. "Thank you!"

Nightcloud handed her and Tutu each a cupcake. "I'm so happy to have such smart kits!" She meowed, preparing to open Shimmer's envelope.

"My grades are going to be like Sparkle's," the second tortoiseshell meowed. "I did okay, I guess."

The black she-cat nodded, studying the grades. "English- A-, Pre-algebra- B+, History- B+, Biology- A-, Sewing and Textiles- A, Cooking, A-, Orchestra (first chair Cello)- A+."

Shimmer straightened up in her chair. "Yes! I got an A+ in orchestra!"

Sparkle gave her identical twin a high five. "Aren't we wonderful?" she asked. "We're also in the exact same after school activities! We are both in the Society for Proper Young She-cats, the quilting circle, and in the journalism club!"

"Why are almost all of my six kits failures at being evil?" Scourge grumbled. "Who joins a society for proper she-cats, anyway?"

"We do!" Shimmer meowed. "We're learning how to serve tea properly, waltz, dress like proper Victorian she-cats…"

Her father cut her off. "That will be quite enough. Let's just take a look at Lollipop's report card."

Lollipop's eyes widened. "You don't really want to see that, Dad."

"Why not? Are you trying to scare me?" Scourge asked, opening the envelope. "Let's see here…English- D-, Pre-algebra- D, Chemistry- D+, World History- C-, Advanced Physical Education- A+, Advanced Health and Wellness- A+, and Advanced Sports Medicine- A+. What kind of grade are those?"

"I did well in three classes…" Lollipop mewed, sliding down in her seat.

Scourge slammed the card down on the table. "In the classes that don't count! What about English? History? Math? The ones that will get you somewhere in life? You'll never get into Dark Forest University with grades like those!"

"At least I participate in school," the kit meowed. "I'm on the football team, basketball team, volleyball team, and the wrestling team. I'm the only she-cat on the football and wrestling teams!"

Nightcloud shook her head sadly. "But the school will put you on probation for grades like that," she meowed. "No cupcake for you."

Hashtag pulled her envelope out of Scourge's paws. "I want to read my own report card!"

"You better have good grades, Missy!" her father growled.

The kit shrugged. "Whatever. English- C+, Pre-algebra- B-, World History- B, Chemistry- C-, History of Villains- A+, How to be Evil for Beginners- A+, World Domination for Beginners- A+." She paused, studying her report card. "Those are good enough."

Scourge nodded. "You could get into Dark Forest University with grades like that, I guess. You're doing wonderful in your evil classes."

"Mr. Tigerstar says I'm his favorite student in World Domination, and Ms. Mapleshade says I'm shaping up really well in How to Be Evil," Hashtag mewed. "She even helped me start E.C.U. - Evil Cats United!"

"You started an alliance for evil cats?" Scourge gasped. "There's hope for you yet! I'm so proud of you!"

Nightcloud gathered up the report cards and stuck them on the refrigerator with pink heart-shaped magnets. "Well, five out of the six of you did really great! As a reward, we are all going to Build-a-Bear!"

"Except for Lollipop," her mate meowed. "She has to go to Brackenfur's Better Student Learning Center."

"Dang it!" the kit cried.

Hashtag smiled evilly. "Brackenfur won't tutor her if for some odd reason the school loses her student report…"

"What are you suggesting?" Nightcloud asked, stuffing a cupcake into her mouth.

The kit laughed, rubbing her paws together slowly. "Let's just say the school computers are going to have a bit of an…accident."


	15. The Basketball Game

The Basketball Game

Nightcloud and Scourge padded into the elementary school gymnasium. Scourge, grumbling about having to wake up early on a Saturday, was carrying a video camera. Lollipop ran ahead of her parents, dribbling a bright orange basketball with her front paws.

"I'm so excited!" the black kit squealed. "It's the first game of the season!"

"I'm sure you'll win every game, Lolli!" Nightcloud meowed encouragingly.

Lollipop nodded, reaching into her mother's purse to get her yellow jersey. "I'm hoping to improve my free throws this season," she mewed, tugging the jersey over her head. "I'm pretty good at three point shots, but my free throws need some work."

Sparkle sighed loudly, adjusting a green bow on her left ear. "I don't see why you have to play basketball, Lollipop."

"It's not ladylike," Shimmer added, fixing her own green ear-bow.

Misery gave her athletic sister a cheerful glance. "I think it's great that you like sports! I bet you're the best on your team!"

Lollipop gave Misery a quick hug. "Thanks, Sis. I'm not that good, though."

Hashtag pushed in front of her sisters and parents, entering the gym first. She glanced around, taking in the sights. She studied the crowd of cats gathered in the bleachers- she-cats drinking coffee, toms helping their kits shoot hoops, brothers and sisters looking bored, and the teams getting ready for the game. Spying the scorekeeper's table, the black kit slunk away from her family, an evil smile spreading across her face.

"Now I want every minute of this game on camera, Scourge!" Nightcloud meowed as she found a seat in the bleachers. "You better not miss a thing!"

"I won't!" the tom growled, flashing his mate a grumpy look. He sat down next to her and sighed tiredly. "Eight in the morning is too early for basketball!"

Shimmer huffed in her seat. "It is always too early for basketball. Sports are for toms, not she-cats!"

Sparkle nodded in agreement. "Why couldn't Lollipop join our quilting circle? It's much more suitable for little she-cats."

"Hush, girls," Nightcloud scolded. "Lollipop can play sports if she wants to."

Tutu sat down next to Misery and pulled a book out of her purse. The kit opened her book and started to read, completely ignoring everything going on around her.

"Mama, you're going to cheer for me, right?" Lollipop asked as she tossed her ball toward Nightcloud.

"Of course, dear," the black cat mewed, catching the ball. "Now take your Catorade and go over to your team! I'm sure Coach Lionblaze will want to go over some things before the game starts."

The kit nodded, taking her bottle of Catorade and running across the court to her team. "I'm here, Coach!" she yowled as she approached the golden tom.

Misery opened her little purple purse and pulled out two small yellow pompoms. "I'm going to be the cheerleader," she mewed sweetly.

"Sit still and be quiet!" Scourge growled.

"Don't listen to him, Sweetheart," Nightcloud said, whacking Scourge with her paw. "You cheer all you want!"

The kit nodded and climbed down the bleachers. She stood at the corner of the court, waving her pompoms in the air. "Go Unicorns!" she cheered wildly.

"All right she-cats and toms," the announcer meowed, speaking into a microphone at the scorekeeper's table, "are you ready for some basketball? Today we have the home team- the Moor Elementary School Unicorns against the Pine Tree Elementary School Frogs! Let's play ball!"

Coach Lionblaze sent his players onto the court. Lollipop stood the closest to her team's basket, ready to guard it against the offending Frogs. Fernkit, Sorrelkit, and Hollykit were standing at the half-court line, staring down three of the opposing team's players. Berrykit stood a few tail-lengths in front of Lollipop, her little gray tail flicking back and forth.

A white she-cat on the opposing team got the ball first and dribbled it down the court. Fernkit ran up and stole the ball, passing it to Sorrelkit. A tortoiseshell kit blocked her, trying to whack the ball out of her grasp. Sorrelkit was quick, though, and whirled around and ran back toward her team's basket. She passed the ball to Lollipop, who turned around and tossed the ball into the air. It hit the back board and fell neatly through the hoop.

"That's two points for the Unicorns!" the scorekeeper called.

The white kit on the other team caught the ball and passed it to the tortoiseshell, who dodged around Fernkit and raced across the court, passing the ball to a ginger kit. The kit tossed the ball to a black kit, who made a nice three-point shot.

"The score is now three to two," the scorekeeper announced. "The Frogs are in the lead!"

Hollykit caught the ball, but the tortoiseshell kit tripped her, causing her to fall and lose her grip. The ball rolled across the floor into the tortoiseshell's paws. She picked it up and tossed it into the basket easily.

"Another two points for the Frogs!" the scorekeeper meowed.

Lionblaze tossed an official-looking clipboard onto the floor. "No!" he spat. "That kit fouled Hollykit! The points are no good!"

The referee, who was standing off to the side chewing a piece of gum, said nothing. The scorekeeper shrugged and kept the score as it was.

"Go Unicorns!" Misery cheered, waving her pompoms. "You can do it!"

Sparkle pulled a bottle of claw polish out of her purse. "This is so boring, Shimmer," she mewed. "Ladies do not play sports."

"You're right, Sparkle," her sister meowed. "Let's just paint our claws and ignore the game."

Tutu was thoroughly engrossed in her book and had no idea what was going on.

Lollipop ran across the court, waving her paws to Sorrelkit, who had grabbed the ball. "I'm open!" she called. "Toss it to me!"

Sorrelkit nodded and threw her the ball, but the black kit on the opposing team thrust herself into Lollipop, knocking her down. The kit grabbed the ball, leaped over Lollipop, and made another basket.

"That makes the score seven to two!" the scorekeeper meowed. The referee still said nothing.

Misery continued to wave her pompoms. "Come on, Unicorns! Don't let the Frogs get you down!"

The tortoiseshell kit got the ball and passed it to the white kit. Berrykit ran in front of the white kit, trying to block her shot. The opposing kit glared at her and shoved her out of the way, tossing the ball to a ginger kit. Hollykit tried to catch the ball while it was still in the air, but the ginger kit kicked her to the side, catching the ball and making yet another basket right as the buzzer went off, signaling the end of the game.

"The Frogs have won with nine points!" the scorekeeper announced.

The kits on the Frogs began jumping up and down, cheering for themselves wildly. Their dark tabby coach padded onto the court to congratulate his team.

Nightcloud slunk into her seat in the bleachers. "I knew this would happen! Pine Tree Elementary should never have hired Tigerstar as a coach! The referee can't even do anything because Tigerstar will beat him up if he does. It's not fair!"

Suddenly the scoreboard began flashing, the scores for each team changing rapidly. Then the lights in the gym began flashing, before going out completely. A black kit sat at the scorekeeper's table, laughing evilly as she pressed buttons.

"Uh-oh, somebody's spilled Root Beer all over the control panel!" Hashtag mewed, still pressing buttons with sticky, Root Beer-covered paws. "The scores are all messed up! This says the Frogs had zero points and the Unicorns had one hundred! Whoopsy!"

Tigerstar stormed up to the kit. "My team won!" he hissed. "You'd better change the score, young lady!"

Hashtag just smiled sweetly. "No, Mr. Tigerstar. I can't possibly do that."

"Why not?" he spat.

"Because in class you said to never correct your evil acts!" she mewed. "I'm only doing what you taught me in school!"

The dark tabby glared at her, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "Yes…well…my team won, but you get an A for being evil. So…good job, I guess."

Misery continued cheering for the Unicorns.

Sparkle and Shimmer continued painting their claws.

Nightcloud whacked Scourge because he forgot to take the cap of the camera lens.

Tutu still had no idea what was going on.


	16. Jeopardy Junior

Jeopardy Junior

"Oh my goodness!" a black kit screamed, staring at a piece of paper that came in the mail. She began jumping up and down. "Yay! I did it! I did it!"

Scourge turned the volume up on the television so he could hear the show he was watching. "Quiet, Tutu!" he hissed. "I'm watching _CSI: ShadowClan!"_

"I made it on _Jeopardy Junior_!" Tutu carried on, squealing excitedly. "I'm going to be on TV!"

Misery hurried into the living room, looking at the rest of the mail scattered over the carpet. "Did I get a letter from _Jeopardy Junior_?" she asked, beginning to pick up the envelopes.

The black kit shrugged. "I don't know. I was too excited when I saw my name to look for yours."

"Oh, I did get one!" Misery squeaked, opening an envelope with her name on it.

Their father sighed loudly, turning the television off. "I swear, you two are too loud! And don't get so excited Misery. You're too dumb to be on TV."

"I made it!" the kit shouted, ignoring her father as she read the paper. "Dear Misery from Pain and Suffering, we are delighted to inform you that you have been chosen to compete on _Jeopardy Junior_ on the night of November 19th, this leaf-fall."

Tutu grabbed the paper out of her sister's paws. "Oh, we get to compete on the same day! Isn't this the bestest thing ever? Yay us!"

"Nerds," Scourge muttered, leaving the room to finish his show somewhere else.

"This is going to be so boring!" Lollipop groaned as she followed Nightcloud and Scourge into the studio to find seats. "Who cares about all this smart cat stuff anyway?"

"Misery and Tutu go to your basketball games, so you have to go to their nerd games," her mother mewed. "Besides, this will be fun! I know I have the smartest kits on the whole planet!"

Scourge snorted, shaking his head. "We have the most boring kits ever. At least Hashtag is evil."

Nightcloud turned back to glance at the little black kit, who was wearing glittery devil horns and a glittery devil tail. "No shenanigans today, missy. You can't do anything evil on live TV!"

"You're no fun!" Hashtag whined. "I never get to do anything evil!"

Sparkle and Shimmer sat down in their seats and immediately took their stash of makeup out of their identical pink purses.

"We must always look our best," Shimmer mewed, applying green eyeliner to her fur gently.

"We might be seen on camera," Sparkle added, spraying herself with perfume. "Or see a cute tom in the audience."

Scourge sat next to Hashtag and sighed, already bored. Hashtag climbed on his lap and tried to mimic his sigh.

"Hashy, you're my favorite kit," her father mewed, hugging her gently.

"Hush up, Scurgy!" Nightcloud hissed. "The show is starting!"

The lights in the studio dimmed around the audience, illuminating the stage. Spotlights shone on the three competitors. Tutu and Misery stood next to each other at blue podiums, chatting together quietly. A black and white tom kit was standing the farthest back, staring straight ahead and ignoring the she-cats.

"It's time for _Jeopardy Junior_!" a she-cat announcer called loudly. "Let's welcome your host- Blackstar!"

A large white tom with black paws and a silk red bow tie padded onto the stage, flashing the camera a proud look. "Thank you, Russetfur. Now who's ready for a day of trivia? Let's meet our contestants. We have Misery from Pain and Suffering, a straight A student who loves school, teddy bears, and her daddy. Next we have Tutu, a straight A student who loves school, history, books, and learning. Finally we have Blackfootkit, my incredibly awesome straight A son who's going to win this game!"

The audience chucked softly at Blackstar's introduction. Tutu gave the tom kit a shy smile. Blackfootkit smiled back at her and the she-cat looked as if she might faint with joy.

"Now here are the categories for today," Blackstar continued- "Geography, History, and Literature. Each section has three questions worth one hundred, two hundred, and three hundred points. At the end we will have a Final Jeopardy question and whoever has the most points at the end wins that much in cold, hard, mouse cash! Blackfootkit can choose the first question."

"Um, I'll take Geography for one hundred points," the tom squeaked nervously.

Blackstar nodded. "Okay, the question is: What continent is the country of France found on?"

Misery pressed her button immediately. "The answer is Europe!"

"Correct!" the host meowed. "That's one hundred points for Misery! You can choose the next question."

The kit thought for a moment. "How about Literature for one hundred?"

"Okay, the question is: Who wrote The Hunger Games Trilogy?" Blackstar meowed.

Blackfootkit pressed his buzzer. "The answer is Suzanne Collins!"

"Yes it is!" the host exclaimed. "One hundred points for Blackfootkit, my amazing, incredibly awesome son!"

The kit smiled shyly as the camera zoomed in on his face. "I'll take History for one hundred next, please," he mewed.

Blackstar nodded. "Isn't my son great? Anyway, the question is: What year was the Declaration of Independence signed?"

"1776!" Tutu squealed, pressing her buzzer madly. "The answer is 1776!"

"Correct!" the host mewed. "The scores are now tied at one hundred points each! We have some brilliant competitors today! We'll be back after a short break."

The game paused for a commercial break, so the cats in the audience began to talk. Sparkle and Shimmer had finally finished applying their makeup and were now drinking Earl Grey tea from little china teacups.

"Did you two seriously have to bring your good china to the show?" Scourge grumbled. "That's not very evil, you know."

"Proper young ladies always drink tea," Sparkle mewed, taking a delicate sip.

Lollipop bounced in her seat. "I'm bored!"

Nightcloud took a packet of M&amp;Ms out of her purse and shoved all of the chocolates into her mouth at once.

Hashtag grabbed Shimmer's purse without her noticing and began sifting through it quietly.

"And we're back!" Blackstar meowed. "Are you ready for some more questions? Tutu, you get to pick next!"

"I'll take Literature for two hundred points," the black kit squeaked.

The host nodded. "Certainly. Your question is: Who wrote The Cat and the Hat?"

Blackfootkit pressed his buzzer. "The answer is Dr. Seuss!"

"Correct!" Blackstar cheered. "Isn't my son wonderful? He's so smart! Now choose the next question!"

"I'll take Geography for two hundred points," the black and white tom mewed.

The host flicked his tail as he asked the next question. "What continent is the Sahara Desert found on?"

Misery pressed her buzzer. "The answer is Africa!"

"That is right! Two hundred points for Misery!" Blackstar cheered.

"Good. I'll take History for two hundred points," the gray kit mewed.

The white tom nodded. "Alright, the question is: When was the Civil War fought?"

"American or English?" Misery asked, narrowing her eyes.

Blackstar narrowed his eyes, staring at the kit. "English."

Tutu jammed her paws on the buzzer. "The answer is the 1640s! And King Charles I was beheaded in 1649!"

"Nerd!" coughed Lollipop, loud enough to be heard on camera.

Nightcloud's "hush" was also loud enough to be caught on camera.

"That's correct!" Blackstar meowed. He tallied up the points. "We are still tied. Misery, Tutu, and Blackfootkit all have three hundred points! We're going to take another commercial break now, but don't leave the room! We'll be back soon!"

"Hey, where's my purse?" Shimmer cried, searching around her seat.

Hashtag laughed maniacally and held up the pink purse, now riddled with holes.

"You ruined it!" the tortoiseshell kit cried, tearing it out of her sister's paws. "Mama!"

Nightcloud glanced at her distraught daughter and saw what had happened. "Hashtag!" she scolded. "That was very naughty. You're going to have to buy her a new purse now!"

"And it has to be exactly like Sparkle's!" Shimmer hissed, stomping her paws.

Hashtag just laughed. Scourge high-pawed his daughter, giving her a proud smile.

Lollipop was sitting upside down in her chair, staring at the paws of the cats in front of her. "I'm still bored! Can't we leave and go to a football game instead?"

"We are back!" Blackstar announced, interrupting the bored kit in the audience. "It's time for our third round. Tutu, choose the next question!"

"I'll take History for three hundred!" the black kit mewed.

The host straightened his red bow-tie. "Your question is: Who was the United States' sixteenth president?"

Blackfootkit pressed his buzzer. "The answer is Abraham Lincoln!"

"Correct! My son is just incredible, isn't he?" Blackstar asked. "That's another three hundred points for Blackfootkit. Choose the next question, son."

"Hm…I'll take Geography for three hundred."

Blackstar gave the camera a dazzling smile. "Of course. The question is: On what continent can you find the country Suriname?"

Misery pressed her buzzer gently. "The answer is South America, Mr. Blackstar!" she mewed sweetly.

"Yes it is! That's another three hundred points for Misery!" the host announced. "And the last question is Literature for three hundred points. The question is: Who wrote the play _Hamlet_?"

"William Shakespeare!" Tutu shouted, hitting the buzzer. "He's the best playwright ever! I love love love him so much!"

Blackstar gave the kit a weird look. "Well then…that's a bit strange, but your right. The score is now a three way tie at six hundred points each! That means the Final Jeopardy question will be a tie-breaker. You each will wager a portion of your points. If you get the question wrong, you lose those points. If you get it right, those points are added to your score. The kit with the most points at the end wins! Are you ready to answer the question?"

"Yes!" Tutu and Blackfootkit squealed, jumping excitedly.

"I am ready!" Misery mewed a bit quieter.

The host nodded, smiling. "Good. The Final Jeopardy question is: What year was the Battle of Hastings?"

The three kits thought for a moment while quiet music played overhead. Misery wrote her answer down first. Tutu thought for a moment longer before writing her's down. Blackfootkit was the last to write down his answer.

"Okay, time is up!" Blackstar meowed. "Let's start with Blackfootkit. What was your wager?"

"Three hundred points!" the kit announced.

The host nodded. "Half of your points. Risky. And your answer is…?"

Blackfootkit held up a whiteboard that read "1215."

"I'm sorry, Blackfootkit, but that is incorrect," Blackstar meowed. "The Battle of Hastings did not happen in 1215. Your score is now three hundred points." He turned to face Tutu, who was smiling brightly.

"I wagered all of my points!" the black kit squeaked. "The answer is the year 1066!"

Blackstar clapped his paws happily. "That is correct! That makes your score twelve hundred points!"

Misery spoke up from her spot on the stage. "I also wagered all of my points and said the answer is 1066."

"Then we have a tie!" Blackstar mewed. "This has never happened before. Hm…I don't know what to do now."

The announcer cat's voice sounded on the intercom. "How about a dance party?"

"Not now, Russetfur!" the host cried. Then he thought for a moment. "You know what, Russy? That's actually not a bad idea. Dance party time!"

Russetfur started playing music over the loudspeaker and all the cats started dancing around the stage. Nightcloud and Scourge danced together until Scourge got fed up and stormed out. Hashtag danced with Lollipop, but then they got bored and followed their father out. Sparkle and Shimmer tried to waltz, but got mad that Russetfur was playing pop music and left, huffing about how un-ladylike pop music is.

Misery twirled around the stage with Blackstar, tossing her twelve hundred mouse dollars in the air as he spun her around.

Tutu chased Blackfootkit around the stage, wanting to dance with him. He looked terrified.


	17. The Tea Party

_**(A/N: I was asked about how old the kits are. In cat time, they're about 4 or 5 moons old. They are supposed to be about the equivalent of 8 or 9 year old human girls.)**_

The Tea Party

Nightcloud pushed through the door of Sparkle and Shimmer's bedroom, admiring the pale pink walls, frilly pink silk bedspreads, and crisp white curtains. The two kits were preparing for an activity at a small table in the center of the room, spreading a white cloth over its surface. They had set small white-and-pink china saucers on the cloth, with little china tea cups resting on the little plates. Each kit was wearing a ruffled pink dress and sparkly tiara.

"I come bearing biscuits and tea!" Nightcloud announced, setting the basket of freshly-baked biscuits on the tablecloth. She set the white-and-pink china teapot on a plate gently, watching steam rise out of the spout.

"Oh, goody!" Shimmer mewed, smelling the sweet scent of cinnamon tea. "This is going to be perfect!"

Sparkle grabbed a small dish from her bedside table and set it on the tablecloth, revealing several packets of jam. "I can't wait to try the elderberry!" she squealed. "I've never had this kind of jam before!"

Their mother smiled as she watched her kits sit down on white wicker chairs, staring at the tea and biscuits before them. "Would you like me to turn on some classical music for you?" she asked, padding over to a pink CD player sitting on a dresser. "You can't have a tea party without a bit of music!"

"Oh, yes please!" Sparkle mewed.

"Tchaikovsky, please!" Shimmer added. "We would like to listen to the music from Swan Lake."

Nightcloud shuffled a stack of CDs, reading the titles. "Mozart…Beethoven…Bach…oh, here we are! Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake!" She opened the CD player and put the disc in. Pressing play, she waited to hear the first notes before leaving the kits to their fun.

"Bye, Mama!" Sparkle mewed as her mother stepped through the door.

"Let me know if you need anything else, girls," the queen mewed. "I'll be in my room reorganizing my tutu collection if you need me."

Once their mother was gone, the two kits began to enjoy their tea party.

"Would you like a biscuit, Miss Shimmer?" Sparkle asked, lifting the basket of bread.

"Oh, yes please!" Shimmer breathed. "Would you care for a spot of tea, Miss Sparkle?"

Sparkle nodded. "It would be my delight." She placed a biscuit on her sister's plate and waited while Shimmer picked up the teapot. The tortoiseshell kit poured the hot tea into Sparkle's china cup slowly, allowing the scent of cinnamon to rise up and surround the table.

"I would like some jam," Shimmer mewed as she sat back down in her chair. "Would you please pass me some strawberry jam, Miss Sparkle?"

"Of course, Miss Shimmer!" Sparkle mewed, passing the jam. "I will have the elderberry."

The two kits spread jam on their biscuits and sipped their tea, quietly enjoying their treats while listening to the sound of classical music. They ate slowly, taking small, delicate bites so they would not spill jam on their dresses and sipped quietly because slurping would be most un-ladylike.

The kits were just about to enjoy a second cup of tea when their door swung open. "I'm here!" a black kit shouted as she ran into the room. "It's time to party!"

"Hashtag, get out of here!" Shimmer cried. "We're having a tea party!"

"And it's for little ladies only!" Sparkle added.

Hashtag ignored her sisters and ran over to the CD player, stopping the music and yanking the CD out. "You two have horrible taste in music! We're going to listen to my music now!" She put a different disc in the player and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of Eminem rapping very loudly.

"Oh, sister, turn that awful music off!" Sparkle wailed, covering her ears.

"That music is not ladylike!" Shimmer cried. "Put our Tchaikovsky back in!"

Hashtag laughed as she watched her sisters give her angry glares. She then padded over to their table and grabbed a biscuit, ripping it in half and stuffing it into her mouth. Her quick and careless action sent crumbs flying everywhere. "So whatcha doing?" she mumbled, her mouth full of bread.

"We're having a tea party and you're ruining it!" Shimmer mewed, wiping biscuit crumbs off of the table.

"Don't talk with your mouthful, Hashtag!" Sparkle scolded. "It's most un-ladylike! Use a plate!"

The black kit shrugged and grabbed the teapot, pouring the tea directly from the china pot to her mouth. She took a huge gulp, and then her face wrinkled up horridly.

"Don't take a big sip like that!" Sparkle cried.

"And don't drink straight from the tea pot!" Shimmer yowled.

Hashtag shook her head quickly and spit the tea out, spraying her sisters in the face. "This stuff tastes horrible! Why can't you be normal and drink Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper?"

The tortoiseshell kits sent her furious glares as they attempted to dry up the tea that spilled on their tablecloth.

"You've stained it!" Shimmer sighed. "The tea will never come out!"

Sparkle shook her head angrily. "And soda was not around in the mid-19th century. We are proper Victorian ladies, but soda was not around until the latter part of the century. We only drink tea, coffee, and water."

"You two are so boring!" Hashtag grumbled. "I'll show you a much more fun game to play!" She grabbed two china cups and padded over to the wall. Taking a big swing, she smashed the cups against the wall, causing them to shatter.

"Stop that!" Shimmer cried. "These are _our_ things! Go break your own stuff!"

Hashtag only shook her head and grabbed a few saucers, shattering them against the wall as well.

"Stop breaking our tea set!" Sparkle wailed, trying to grab the teapot before the black kit could get to it.

"Go to your room!" Shimmer ordered. "You are being very bad, Hashtag!"

The kit only laughed and grabbed the teapot handle, yanking it forcefully out of Sparkle's paws.

"Please don't break our teapot!" the tortoiseshell wailed as her sister smashed it against the wall. "Please stop!"

Hashtag smiled as she stared down at the carpet below her. The pink carpet was now littered with pieces of broken china. Her sisters' day was ruined. Laughing, she grabbed the rest of the biscuits and began tearing them up into itty bitty pieces.

"Mama!" Shimmer screamed. "Mama, come here!"

"Daddy!" Sparkle wailed. "Daddy, help us!"

"Daddy's not going to help you!" Hashtag mewed, grinning. "He thinks I'm the best kit ever. If you tell on me he'll only yell at you for being tattletales."

Sparkle folded her paws across her chest, huffing angrily. "We're going to tell Mama about this!"

Shimmer nodded. "You'll be in big trouble, missy!"

The black kit smiled innocently at her sisters. "Who? Me? I'm not going to get in any trouble. I've done nothing wrong!"

"You've done everything wrong!" Sparkle hissed.

Hashtag shrugged, grabbing a camera from who-knows-where and snapped a picture of the broken tea set, the crumbs on the floor, and her sisters' angry faces. "Excellent! My homework for How to be Evil for Beginners is complete! Ms. Mapleshade's gonna give me an A on this for sure!"


	18. Career Day

Career Day

Misery sat quietly in her school's auditorium, reading a bulletin Vice Principal Squirrelflight had given her. "Hm…Career Day presentations," she murmured to herself. "Miss Tansy is going to talk about getting into the television industry and Mr. Firestar is going to talk about joining the police force. This will be interesting."

"This is so boring!" Lollipop grumbled, sitting next to her gray sister. "Why can't they have a famous football player or basketball player come and talk to us about sports?"

"Because that's not ladylike!" Shimmer meowed. "Only toms play sports.

The black kit narrowed her amber eyes angrily. "They do not! There are she-cat basketball teams! I could be on one someday, you know!"

Tutu bounced excitedly in her seat. "I bet the speakers will talk about the importance of college! I'm going to go to Harvard Feline University or Yale Feline University!"

"Ivy League schools?" Misery asked. "That's where I want to go, too!"

"We can be roommates!" Tutu mewed, hugging her sister. "It'll be so awesome!"

Principal Bramblestar padded onto the auditorium stage, holding a microphone in his paw. "Hello, kits! Welcome to the Career Day Assembly! We are going to have some amazing presentations today that will introduce you to a number of careers. Our first speaker is the president of Feline Warrior Television Network. Let's all give a warm round of applause for Miss Tansy!"

Misery and Tutu applauded happily, eager to hear what the ginger she-cat had to say. Shimmer and Sparkle took their sewing kits out of their purses and decided to work on their new dresses during the presentations. Lollipop looked bored.

"Hello, everyone!" Tansy mewed as she stared out into the audience. "I'm here to talk about an exciting career in the television industry. I absolutely love my job, and I think many of you could, too! Who wants to know what I do for a living?"

"We do!" Misery and Tutu shouted.

Lollipop yawned and closed her eyes.

"Well," the ginger speaker began, "I run ClanTV, Catalodean, and CrimeCatTV. That means I get to listen to cats who have ideas for new shows, cats who want to be on my shows, and choose what shows I want to put on television. Sometimes I come up with my own ideas for new shows. I get to choose everything that happens on my channels. Who remembers 'The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show'?"

Every kit in the audience raised their paws, cheering as they recognized the popular program.

Tansy smiled happily. "Yellowfang came to me with the idea for that show a couple years ago, asking if I would consider putting it on television. I said yes as long as she hired a co-host and got to proofread her scripts. But you know, it took a long time to get to where I could buy my own network. I had to start at the bottom and get an education first. I got a degree in film and directing at Warriors University and got a job making commercials for small companies. I worked my way to success, but with my hard work I became one of the most well- known names in the feline television world. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Tutu turned excitedly to Misery. "We should do that! We could make a bunch of super educational shows that every cat will enjoy and learn from!"

"That sounds like fun!" the gray kit squealed. "You could be the director, and I could be the camera-cat!"

Lollipop started to snore.

"Okay, that was Miss Tansy!" Bramblestar meowed. "Our next speaker owns Firestar's Police Force of Morality! Please welcome Mr. Firestar to the stage."

The ginger tom padded over to the principal, taking the microphone from his paws. "Hello, future leaders and crime-fighters! Who wants to learn about what I do?"

"You prevent us from having fun!" Hashtag shouted from her seat. The little villain was in a black lacy dress and she was wearing her vampire fangs.

Firestar glared at the kit sternly. "I do not prevent you from having fun, young lady. I make the world safe for every cat. The world needs more good and moral cats, and evil cannot be tolerated at all."

"Evil is fun!" the little black kit argued.

"Well, anyway, what I do every day is make bad cats go to jail," Firestar continued, ignoring Hashtag's outburst. "Thanks to my police force Tigerstar, Snowtuft, Darkstripe, Shredtail, and many others have spent time behind bars. We have made the world a safer place for everyone!"

"Boring!" Hashtag groaned loudly.

The ginger tom narrowed his eyes, beginning to look annoyed at the she-cat. "We must be good and moral cats!" he growled. "Follow the law and never ever do anything bad!"

"Yeah right!" the kit howled. "You can't tell me what to do!"

Firestar looked as if he wanted to say something to the she-cat, but instead whirled around and stalked off of the stage, lashing his tail furiously.

"We're down to our last speaker!" Bramblestar announced. "We were supposed to have Oakheart come and talk about getting into politics and serving in Warriors Congress, but we've had change of plan. Oakheart is…unavailable, but he has a replacement. Anyway, please welcome Mr. Scourge to the stage!"

"Yay Daddy!" Hashtag cheered wildly.

"Yay Daddy!" Misery cheered sweetly.

The tiny black tom padded onto the stage, giving the audience a sly glance. "Hello, children,' he meowed smoothly. "I'm so sorry that Oakheart had an…_accident_. You'll just have to settle for me. I work as a horrible henchman at Brokenstar's House of Villains."

"Go Brokenstar!" Hashtag cheered.

Scourge nodded, sending his daughter a proud look. "Basically, what I do is help Brokenstar work on his evil plans. Sometimes we do little things, like spray paint buildings or pop kits' balloons, but other times we do something really bad. Last month we robbed a bank! Who wants to know how we pulled it off?"

"I do!" Hashtag shouted, squirming excitedly.

Lollipop continued to snore.

"Well, Brokenstar, Mapleshade, and I dressed up as queens! Brokenstar dressed up as Daisy, Mapleshade dressed up as Ferncloud, and I dressed up as Brindleface! We walked into the bank and kindly asked to see the bank manager. Everyone thought we were just the sweetest little ladies, but as soon as we were alone with the bank manager, we killed him and stole every bit of money in the building! It was so much fun!"

Bramblestar ran back on stage, his amber eyes wide with horror. "Yes…well…thank you for that, Scourge, but we don't really encourage murder here at Moor Elementary School."

"Evil is life," Scourge growled. "I'm giving these kits life advice! They could get internships at Brokenstar's House of Villains! An internship would look great on their applications to Dark Forest University!"

The dark tabby principal grabbed the microphone from the tom's paws. "We do not tolerate evil!" he hissed. "Don't make me call Firestar to come out here!"

The ginger tom was already padding onto the stage, carrying a pair of paw cuffs. "I'm already here," he growled. "Thank you for announcing your guilt, Scourge. We had no leads on that bank robbery and murder until you admitted to it!"

"Drats" Scourge spat. "You can't prove anything!"

Firestar shook his head. "Oh yes I can. Scourge, you're under arrest for robbery and murder. You have the right to remain silent."

"Don't arrest my daddy!" Misery cried.

"Yay for evil!" Hashtag cheered.

"Evil isn't ladylike!" Sparkle complained.

"I want to be a duchess," Shimmer added.

Tutu read her book.

Lollipop still snored.


	19. Thanksgiving with Nightcloud and Scourge

_**(A/N: Okay, so I totally meant to write a chapter or two of Safe Haven, but I'm home on break and time just got away from me. Oops. Oh well, I did get a special Thanksgiving story written for Nightcloud and Scourge, so at least that's something.)**_

Thanksgiving with Nightcloud and Scourge

Scourge pulled a large roast turkey out of the oven, heaving it up to place it on the counter. Sighing heavily, he pulled Nightcloud's hot pink oven mits off of his paws and set them beside the turkey, wondering how he was going to carve the giant bird.

"Nightcloud," he called, "could you help me please? I still have to carve the turkey, make the sweet potato casserole, the mashed potatoes, the green beans, the cranberry sauce, the pumpkin pie, and the dinner rolls."

"Can you bring me a Kitty-Cola?" the she-cat called back from her place on the living room sofa.

The black tom clenched his paws, wishing his mate would just help him. "Please, Nighty? I can't do this all on my own!"

"The Thanksgiving Day Parade is on! You cannot expect me to cook when there is a parade to watch!" she mewed as her mate padded into the room bearing a can of soda. "Besides, who paid $12,000 to bail you out prison so you could be home for the holidays?"

"But you want me to cook all the food, set the table, and clean the entire den!" Scourge cried. "That's too much work for one cat to do!"

Nightcloud shrugged, popping the tab on her soda can. "You should have thought of that before you got arrested last week. I want a big Thanksgiving dinner."

Her mate narrowed his eyes, trying not to lose his temper. "Why do we need so much food anyway? The kits won't eat that much."

The she-cat twisted her soda tab nervously, letting out a quiet laugh. "Don't be angry with me, Scurgy."

"Why would I be mad?"

"Oh…no reason," she mewed, not meeting his gaze.

Scourge glared at her, realizing she had done something very bad. "What did you do?" he growled.

Nightcloud took a long sip from her can. "Oh…nothing much. Just invited some of your buddies from Brokenstar's House of Villains over for Thanksgiving dinner."

"You did WHAT?" Scourge gasped. "You invited evil cats over without telling me?"

'Well, they didn't have anywhere to go!" the she-cat cried. "Their families didn't want them."

The tom unsheathed his claws, desperately trying not to get too mad. "Nightcloud," he began quietly, "you need to tell me when you invite guests over, especially if they're from where I work!"

"Whatever," she shrugged. "What's done is done. You should just be thankful you aren't spending Thanksgiving in a tiny prison cell. Now get back in the kitchen and get that meal cooked!"

Sighing, Scourge realized there was no point in arguing. "Yes, dear," he grumbled, turning back toward the kitchen. "Anything you say, dear."

"I want turkey!" Lollipop cried, banging her silverware on the table loudly.

"I want turkey!" Brokenstar yowled, banging his silverware on the table loudly.

"I want pie!" Shredtail howled.

"I want more rolls!" Snowtuft snarled.

"I want everything!" Mapleshade hissed.

Sparkle and Shimmer watched the guests and their hungry sister with horror brimming in their amber eyes.

"It's not lady-like to demand food!" Shimmer scolded.

"It's not lady-like to bang your silverware!" Sparkle wailed.

"May I please have a little bit of green beans, please?" Misery asked sweetly.

Scourge banged his head on the table. "I want this to end!" he growled.

Nightcloud shoved a piece of turkey into her mouth. "Isn't this the best Thanksgiving dinner ever?"

"It would be better if I had more meat!" Brokenstar grumbled, ripping apart one of the turkey legs. Hashtag, who had the other turkey leg, tried to mimic the evil tom's eating habits, throwing bits of food everywhere.

Lollipop grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes and took a big spoonful, eating right out of the bowl. "Yummy!" she mumbled with her mouthful.

Snowtuft tore at the white linen tablecloth with his claws. "This is too fancy!" he hissed. "And who likes white? Black is the way to go!"

"But you are white, Mr. Snowtuft," Sparkle mewed, taking a dainty bite of casserole.

Mapleshade hissed at everyone, guarding the pie and not letting anyone even look at it. "My pie!"

"Yes…well," Nightcloud mewed nervously, eyeing the deranged tortoiseshell, "I think we should go around the table and say what we're thankful for!"

"That's a wonderful idea, Mama!" Misery mewed adorably.

"That's a horrible idea," Shredtail hissed.

The black she-cat narrowed her eyes unhappily. "This dinner is not going as well as I thought it would," she murmured. "Anyway, I'll start. I am thankful for tutus and Starbucks coffee! Scourge, you go next!"

The tom cast a grumpy glance at his mate. "Oh, okay," he sighed. "I'm thankful for not being in prison and for my mate who so kindly bailed me out. I'm also thankful for Hashtag- the only one of my children to not be a complete failure."

"Yay me!" Hashtag cheered, clapping her paws. The other kits glared at their father angrily.

Brokenstar took a large bite of a roll. "I'm thankful for Hollyleaf, my amazing girlfriend," he mumbled with a full mouth, "and I'm also thankful for my House of Evil, which has more members than ever before! Evil is really in fashion right now."

"I'm thankful for war," Snowtuft hissed, digging his claws into the table. "I can murder so many cats then!"

"I'm thankful that I didn't go to StarClan!" Shredtail growled. "They're a bunch of good-for-nothing goody-two-shoes!"

"I'm thankful for death and evil!" Mapleshade snarled, glaring at Lollipop for staring at the pie. "And I'm thankful for pie and will hurt anyone who tries to take any!"

Lollipop shrugged and took another scoop of potatoes. "I'm thankful for food! I have to be strong to beat up all the toms on my football team who think she-cats can't play sports!"

Shimmer shoved her food into nice, neat little piles on her plate. "I am thankful for my quilting circle and Earl Grey tea."

"I am thankful for claw polish and little sparkly tiaras!" Sparkled meowed, showing everyone her fabulously painted purple claws."

"I am thankful for evil!" Hashtag announced, grabbing the bowl of mashed potatoes and dumping it on Shimmer's head. "I am not thankful for goody-two-shoes sisters!"

Tutu glared at her identical twin and handed Shimmer a napkin. "I am thankful for books, school, learning, the Science Bowl, the Math Bowl, college, my sparkly green reading glasses, bigger books-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Scourge hissed at his daughter. "No one cares that you're a big nerd!"

"I'm thankful for my Daddy!" Misery announced, wrapping her little gray paws around the black tom. "I love you, Daddy!"

"Awww," Brokenstar, Shredtail, and Snowtuft sighed, watching the kit hug her father. Mapleshade growled and hugged her pie.

Nightcloud clapped her paws. "Yay! We're all thankful for things! Let's eat the pie now."

Mapleshade glared at the black she-cat. "No one is eating my pie!"

"Um…where did Hashtag go?" Sparkle asked, staring at the empty chair.

"Where did Brokenstar go?" Shimmer added, wiping the last bit of mashed potatoes out of her fur.

The cats glanced around, not seeing either cat. Confused, they got up to look for the missing cats, sure that they were getting into some kind of mischief. Just when they had pushed their chairs in, the fire alarm went off.

"Fire!" Tutu screamed. "Everyone, get out! If you get burned, stop, drop, and roll!"

"Crawl under the smoke so you don't breathe it in!" Misery yowled.

The group, however, ignored the two kits and raced into the living room. Hashtag and Brokenstar were standing by the stair case, holding lit matches and spinning around happily. Luckily, nothing had caught fire yet.

"What are you doing?" Nightcloud hissed, rushing forward and grabbing the match from her daughter's paws. "You could have burnt the house down!"

"I did not start a fire!" Hashtag mewed, giving her mother an innocent look.

Scourge glared at the ragged brown to standing beside her. "Did you put her up to this?" he hissed.

"What?" Brokenstar gasped. "Of course not! I only came out here to tell her not to play with fire!" The tom quickly shoved a box of matches as the kit and turned around, racing out of the den.

Hashtag started laughing hysterically, dropping to the floor and rolling around. "We scared you so good!" she cried between laughs. "It was soooo funny!"

"Fire is not funny!" Nightcloud hissed.

"It kind of is," Mapleshade meowed. Snowtuft and Shredtail nodded.

The black she-cat gave the evil trio an upset look. "Thanksgiving is ruined!"

"Well, that's what you get for inviting evil to dinner!" Scourge informed her smugly. For once, Nightcloud had paid for her bad decision. In Scourge's opinion, this had been a pretty successful Thanksgiving.


End file.
